Why do women with children find it? Is a woman having a child a hindrance or a help in starting a new family? She will teach a man to communicate with children

More and more often in our time there are women who are not only unmarried, but also have relationships quite rarely. And she seems pretty, educated, economical, etc. - in a word, practically ideal. But my personal life will not get better. And it’s not clear whether men don’t notice, or the problem is with her. But everything turns out to be much simpler - she just has a child...

Having wandered around the World Wide Web a little, I was very surprised and amazed at the position of many regarding girls with children. The impression was that they had given up on them: since there is a “dowry” that no man needs, then they will remain alone until the end of their days. Individual opinions made my hair stand on end. Thus, it was proposed to prohibit (!) such girls from starting relationships with men. It is not clear to me what caused this negativity.

For a long time I did not want to raise this topic. However, after reading an article on one of the sites on a similar topic, I realized that, taking advantage of the opportunity, it was worth bringing it up for general discussion. The meaning of the article was extremely simple: girls with a child should not be considered as potential life partners. The author cites a number of reasons to prove his beliefs. And today I would like to dwell on each of these reasons separately.

1. Actually, the child himself. A man is not obliged to take on the burden of raising someone else's child.

In my opinion, the position of an egoist. Yes, the child is from someone else, but he is a piece of the woman that the man loves. The main task of a man is to create conditions for procreation and raise a new generation. And nothing prevents him from taking up the offspring of another and creating with his beloved woman new family. After all, cases are different, and if for some reason he cannot have children, then he has two options: give up the idea of ​​children or take someone else’s upbringing. People often remember the example with lions, when a new leader kills the cubs of the previous male. But we are not animals and, in addition to instincts, we also have reason. And why exactly lions? In nature there are many instructive examples of fidelity and worthy education of the new generation. For some reason, none of the men remembers about the female praying mantis...

1. It is not a new family that is being created, but a man entering an existing one, where the head will be a woman.

Perhaps a few years ago this could have been considered a significant reason. But now, when a woman is increasingly becoming the head of the family, we cannot speak categorically about this. Men themselves give up leadership so as not to bear the entire burden of responsibility for the family. And not every woman, especially with a child, wants to take on an additional burden of responsibility. For this she needs a man, her support and support. So that it does not create new problems, but solves existing ones. She's tired of being strong and deciding everything for everyone. I want to submit and give all the “power” to the man.

1. A woman with a child is looking, first of all, for a “supplier of funds”, and the man’s personality fades into the background.

This statement is very similar to the feminine “Men only need sex from us.” A woman needs confidence in the future. She must clearly know that her man will be able to provide for her and her child. And money is only one of the components of this confidence. Especially when it’s not just about her alone. Should be nearby strong man. As for his personality, few are able to live with an unloved person. Of course, for the sake of the child’s good, the mother is ready for more than that. As a rule, women who are looking exclusively for financial wealth rarely go for serious relationship. As a mistress, as an option. And here it’s up to the man to decide whether to agree or not to such a “relationship.”

1. The fact that she has a child and that the woman is left alone is a huge disadvantage. In other words, if a woman had any brains, she would do anything to be close to the child's father.

Let's start with the fact that there are many reasons why a woman was left alone with a child. For some reason, everyone forgets about accidents, ranging from traffic accidents to injuries at work. In this case, the woman is not at all to blame. It turns out that now you can put an end to her personal life. But why, if she can still start a family with another man. As for the remaining reasons, we can name both divorce and the result of an unsuccessful relationship. Of course, both are to blame for the divorce. But the reasons for this very divorce are different. Therefore, I don’t see anything wrong with the woman’s decision not to torture herself and her child. And, as a rule, people get married around the age of 20, when the body is filled with hormones and emotions. There is almost no place for common sense there. And when everyday life comes into play, they realize that the wrong person is nearby. And by this time the child usually has time to be born. Everything is more difficult for those who have a child born without marriage. “Brought it”, “played it out” - call it what you want, the meaning is the same. It’s just that some people push the child off to their parents and go on a walk, while others pick themselves up and become a caring and loving mother. These are again young girls with no life experience. Having made a mistake in their youth, they deserve a second chance at family and happiness.

1. A woman with a child is not so stupid, and it is more difficult to deceive her or change her outlook on life.

I still don’t fully understand this reason. It turns out that the fact that a woman has her own point of view, knows what she wants from life, is a negative point. Yes, such women clearly follow their plans, they know what kind of man should be nearby. And it’s not so easy to screw them over. That’s why they rarely agree to the fleeting romances that men want so much. They are only interested in serious relationships. So it turns out that due to inaccessibility and clear plans, they were classified as second class.

In addition to the article, other reasons were indicated (problems with the child’s father, pedagogical aspects, relationship with the child, etc.), but these are all arguments in favor of the poor. After talking with friends who married a woman with a child, I understood one thing: if a man has a desire to be close to the woman he loves, then no reason will stop him. And he will stop at nothing to make her happy. And as for those very reasons, there can only be one - public opinion (“What will people say...”; “What will it look like...”; “What if...”). Obeying traditions and foundations, the opinion of the crowd, a man often acts as society dictates (“Why do you need this with a “dowry” if there are many free people around without a child?!”). However, we live for ourselves, and not for society. And here, as in life in general, those who want are looking for an opportunity, those who don’t want are looking for those very reasons...

The woman-child behaves childishly, believing that this is good, touching and cute. I do not argue. Childhood is truly a charming time of our lives.

There are wonderful aspects to it that you want to preserve into adulthood. For example, the ability to rejoice, be surprised, be open to new things, learn, create, trust...​

But there are others that can lead to conflicts not only with other people, but also with money. And it’s not just about the fact that you should be given a seat in the store, given a discount when purchasing, your bosses should meet you halfway, your colleagues should pat you on the head, you should be the first to be let into a lifeboat when your budget is drowning, or you should be given a tasty piece of a bonus.​

Woman - child has difficulties in adult life

There are films about a woman in a child’s body, you can watch them. It doesn't look very nice, but this image is impressive. Although you will often hear that “my husband is like a child,” nevertheless, we women also have similar behavior patterns.

Yes, the woman - child is not ready for adult life, because she’s used to having someone decide for her and someone taking care of her. Having become accustomed to being behind her parents' backs in the family, having matured in age, she begins to look for “parents” among her friends, men, neighbors or colleagues, and partners.

Sooner or later, the other person will get tired of pulling you, and this will lead to conflicts.

Your husband will get tired of seeing your defiantly “pouting lips”, hysterical “foot stomping” and lunges. He will get tired of wiping away your tears from grievances, just as the demonstrative silence will be unbearable.

More and more often he will choose avoidance and silence. He knows that your “let’s have a heart-to-heart talk” will end: “I don’t want to and won’t,” “it’s all your fault.”

In fact: a woman-child does not take responsibility for her life, preferring to transfer power to others. And often

In fact, this article is a continuation of the topic, because when talking about him, I want to know what kind of mature woman is a person.

It is possible and necessary to remain a child at heart, but in relation to certain aspects of your life. For example, in creativity, in relaxation, in sex...

Being an adult is the ability to create partnerships and confidence that you can handle yourself in a difficult situation.

Childhood infantilism prevents you from living with joy and achieving success, because it is full of fears and doubts.

7 differences between a woman and a child from an adult woman

Naturally, we are talking about a certain psychotype, and not about age characteristics. Let's look at how to determine and what are the differences between adult women and this type.

1. Lack of self-confidence

Remember how in adolescence were you worried about your appearance, figure, pimples on your face? An adult woman already knows her worth, knows how to turn disadvantages into advantages, has her own charm and style, not only externally, but also in her lifestyle.

2. Other people's opinions matter

Children are always exposed to the opinions of others, believe it and accept it as truth. They do not yet have their own faith and therefore easily change their beliefs under the influence of adults. This is why we have to look back to childhood to determine the originators of your current beliefs and beliefs. Adult women know themselves and what is right for them, have clear guidelines in life that they are not going to give up for the sake of others.

3. Excessive demands

The child does not care about the capabilities of adults. He takes care of his own wants and needs at the expense of other people. In childhood there is a lot of excitement and competition, it is important to be the first and to win. Adults understand that it is much more important to build relationships and create partnerships. The loser will always want revenge. Therefore, when making decisions, they will take into account the desires and needs of the partner. Then everyone will win.

4. They don’t know how to calmly express their feelings.

Children often do not take into account the mood of their parents, the appropriateness of their requests, the adequacy of their requests and places. Children do not know how to build personal boundaries, because their feelings are seething. Adults are aware of their conditions, understand what bothers them and why, and can make decisions for their own actions rather than violating another's boundary.

5. They don’t know what they want

A child often wants what someone else has, so he changes his mind, quickly cools down and changes his mind. An adult person knows what she wants, what she needs in life. Therefore, she is able to move in the intended direction without being subject to the variability of her mood.

6. They don’t know how to spend money

Children's money does not linger in the wallet. As soon as they get into their hands, there are 1001 desires to buy. Without realizing it, children spend it on trinkets, “caramel cockerels” and chewing gum. As a rule, children run out of money in the first store. A teenage woman rarely has enough money before her payday and often has to live in debt.

An adult person knows how to not only earn money, but also... Therefore, money can perfectly show how much a woman has matured. Has she become financially independent, does she know how to save and does she direct them in the right direction or not?

7. Dependence on others

We have already recalled several times that a child is dependent on an adult. ​Yes, the child relies on his parents and family. An adult person relies on himself, his independence.

Impulsiveness and emotionality go away, but reason and rationality come. Experience, knowledge, new behavior appears, this leads to the fact that a woman becomes more and more confidently her own master. She is no longer afraid to make mistakes. Because she can simply avoid many of them.

I know that in many women’s trainings they say that a woman needs to be a child, then she will attract a caring daddy. I cannot agree with my colleagues on this idea. Parent-child relationships in a couple continue to cultivate helplessness and infantilism in a woman.

Do not confuse the ability to ask for help, your weakness with helplessness. In my opinion, these are different things. And my life experience suggests that an adult man is irritated by a woman’s infantilism and does not inspire respect for her.​

However, ask yourself the question: “Do I want to depend on the mood of another? But children are largely dependent on their parents’ mood.

Look at your behavior from the perspective of money - your income level, what you have in your wallet, your spending strategy. Is there a childish personality there? I will then conclude with a common phrase: “money is not a toy for children.”

If you want to have more money, then you must be an independent person. I pay a lot of attention to psychology because I see a lot of teenagers among women.

Nobody forces you to head a large holding company, but it is desirable to have your own source of income, a job or your own business. And to know the value of your skills not at a child’s level, but at an adult level.

PS: I’ll add one more thing, after the first comments - you must have desires and “wants”. Otherwise, why do you need money? How you plan to implement them is another matter. At the expense of your resources? By manipulating others? After all, children are great manipulators :).

“Who needs a divorced woman with a child?” ─ this thought comes to the mind of almost every woman who is thinking about divorce. Psychologists tell us how to start building new relationships not from the position of a victim.

Low self-esteem, self-doubt and fear of loneliness - all these feelings a woman experiences after a divorce. In a state of despair, it is very easy to rush into a new relationship. But they most likely will not bring happiness, because the victim most often attracts a classic tyrant.

Olga divorced her husband when her daughter was three years old. A few months later she met Andrei and married him. Olga unconsciously felt a huge sense of gratitude for the fact that Andrei “accepted” her: divorced and, moreover, with a child. She tried to be ideal wife, and pleased her husband in everything, often stepping on her own throat, fulfilling his wishes. But for some reason the relationship became worse and worse...

Andrei was increasingly dissatisfied with his wife and criticized her for every little thing. The family lived according to his strict rules, like on a powder keg. Olga, as best she could, maintained imaginary well-being and put a smile on her face. But this could not last long. On his next day off, Andrey got ready to go fishing. For the first time, Olga asked her husband to give up fishing and go with her to her daughter’s dance performance. This resulted in a huge scandal: Andrei angrily insulted his wife, repeating how worthless she was in all respects.

Life story

Here is a typical example of a union in which a woman and a child take the position of a victim. In this state, she will definitely attract a tyrant man to her. This role of a companion suits him, so he will carefully control that his wife never gets out of her sacrificial role. Needless to say, such a relationship will not bring happiness. How to start all over again?

Here are instructions that will help a woman with a child go through a divorce as painlessly as possible and set herself up for a new relationship.

Stop beating yourself up

Let getting out of a painful union be the first step on the path of your self-love. You don’t need to blame yourself for not being able to save your family, just as you don’t have to feel bad that you even married this person. Take it as a valuable experience ─ painful, but an experience. You've found out what kind of relationship you definitely don't want, and now you can build things differently.

Explain everything honestly to your child.

Believe me, for children there is nothing worse than imaginary well-being and lies. It happens that parents only pretend that everything is fine in front of the child. They carefully hide their experiences, but children perfectly sense falsehood. If a child sees that his mother is suffering, he may think that he is the reason. Growing up in an atmosphere of mistrust is real torture for children.

This will affect life in the future. Such children usually have low self-esteem, they feel uncomfortable with other people, and have difficulty building their own relationships. Tell your child sincerely about your feelings and events in the family. Explain what you are feeling now and why. Reassure him that both parents love him no matter what.

Love yourself

It may sound cliché, but the first thing you need to do after a divorce is start an affair with yourself. Until you love yourself, a healthy relationship is out of the question. Start listening to your desires that you have suppressed for so long. At first it will be difficult, then it will be easier. Think about what bothers you and what you would like to change in life. Listen and pamper yourself, praise your positive qualities and develop them. When your confidence and self-esteem increase, others will also see your strengths.

The scheme is simple: when you treat yourself with love, a person appears in your life who has the same sincere feelings for you.

A child is not an obstacle to a relationship

It is the child who will help you take a sober look at what kind of person you have met along the way. You can learn a lot about a man's relationship with his child. If he is categorical about the fact that you already have children, this characterizes him as an immature, infantile person. Most likely, he sees the future as ideal, and this means that in any unexpected situation, he will fall into despair and break down. Do you need such a person? Think about how comfortable it will be for you to live with an unreliable man and whether you are ready for his re-education (if it is even possible).

Unfortunately, not all marriages are durable, and recently divorces have become more frequent after two or three years of living together, the young mother is left alone, and the child, having barely begun to understand who mom and dad are, grows up in an incomplete family. After some time, the woman begins to think about a new relationship, because she needs a man, and her child needs a father. This is where the problem arises; these attempts may misfire. A reasonable question: “How can a woman with a child find a husband?” - not an easy task.

Your chosen one and the child must perceive each other well, get along with each other, and this is difficult, especially for the baby, his psyche has not yet strengthened, and you can traumatize it even more. Children perceive very painfully that there are changes in their mother’s life. A new “uncle” has appeared in the family; they are afraid that they will lose their mother’s love and affection, which only they received, and now they will have to share.

Many single mothers are afraid that their chosen one will not love their child, and this should not be expected from him. The future husband becomes attached, first of all, to the woman. The most important thing is that he has a positive attitude towards your motherhood and agrees to share this concern with you. You should first warn him that you have a family and an “inheritance”, it will be more honest. In the future, make sure that for a man there is such a value as children. If the answer is yes, then over time he will be able to love your baby, he will raise and care for him as if he were his own.

A single mother does not simply treat a man as a boyfriend; she cannot risk bringing the first guy she likes into the house, because now she has a baby. Before deciding to take this step, a woman must make sure that her future husband is not another of her mistakes. The child trusts his mother and can easily become attached to the new “uncle”, after which disappointment arises; such experiences can lead to the development of anxiety and the formation of neuroses in the baby, and lack of trust in relationships. Therefore, the choice of a future husband, a woman with a child, must be approached responsibly.

You need to choose a husband, not a lover. Sex is not an unimportant component in the relationship between a man and a woman, but not the most important one. For many women, sex and emotional relationships with a man are often interconnected. It happens that a woman feels good in bed with a man, and she does not show any interest in his personal qualities, not paying attention to them. She decides to marry him because she thinks that he is her destiny. Over time, the heat of passion passes, quarrels and conflict situations begin, and it turns out that they are completely unsuitable for each other, except, of course, for sex. If a woman knows and understands that good sex can tie her to a man, then first she needs to evaluate his personal and human qualities, and only then decide to have sex. If there are frequent conflicts in the family, then the relationship in bed will quickly end.

Think about what kind of father he will be to your child. You need to find a husband, first of all, for yourself, but if you are a mother and the baby is important to you, evaluate your future husband from the point of view of fatherhood. When talking to him, mention your child or talk about children in general. If this topic of conversation is not pleasant for a man, then you should not introduce him into your family. You can leave him as a lover. Don’t overdo it, a man can treat children with tenderness, but by hiding your child from him, you can make him think that you are a bad mother, and he will be disappointed in you.

Meeting his parents can also clarify a lot. Ask him about his childhood, family, hobbies, etc.

Take an outside look at a man’s relationship with his mother, in the event that he definitely consults with his mother before making a decision, or on an early Saturday morning, despite the great desire to sleep, he drags along with her across the city for cat or dog food, then you won't have it easy. Rivalry with mother-in-law, a bleak prospect. But it happens on the contrary, when you marry him, you will have the opportunity to become a “mother” to your husband. Do you feel ready for this? At the same time, if he treats his mother with disrespect, is rude to her, or does not communicate with her at all, then he will not treat you with due respect.

Evaluate your future husband by how he treats strangers who are not significant to him. Perhaps at first glance he is cute and does everything to please you. If he is rude in public transport, to sellers, and waiters, then he will soon begin to be rude to you. While living together, you will see him in moments of failure, fatigue, etc. At such times, all his rudeness will appear even more.

Bad habits are another trait that you must accept, and decide for yourself whether you can live with them. You don't get married to change everything. Perhaps he snores, smokes a lot, drinks, fries herring, etc. It’s not a fact that by marrying you, he will change. Show yours bad habits, perhaps he won’t want to put up with them either.

Love for your child, don’t demand it, because that’s not why he married you. It is enough that he takes care of his family and helps you be a mother, this quality is more important. And under no circumstances force your child to call your husband dad. Children are always sensitive to the attitude of adults towards them; everything should happen by itself.

You need a man in order to feel like a woman and have someone with whom to share joy and sorrow, to feel a strong male shoulder next to you. Your child also needs a man, so that he can see a model of male behavior, a model of a family, and relationships between spouses, because he will grow up and, based on what he has seen, will build his own family.

If you have found what you were looking for, a husband for yourself and a father for your child, then feel free to get married, because life goes on.

Reason one

And the simplest one: actually, a child or even children. After all, you like a woman, why should this fact make it necessary to take on the burden of raising someone else’s child? Women, as practice has shown, immediately accuse such a position of being “selfish.”

Yes, a man should be an egoist, in the good sense of the word. He is simply obliged to take care of the continuation of HIS family, about best conditions for your family, for your own children.

From time to time, women let it slip. No, no, something like this will come out of their mouth: “What difference does it make to a man whether the child is his or not. Even better: the most problematic age is behind us.” Yes, there is a difference for men. And what another!

Every normal man (and this is the law of nature) strives to raise HIS children, to pass on his skills, knowledge, wisdom, and property from generation to generation. But I want to do this only for the sake of blood heirs, those children in whom you can observe your own traits and the traits of your family.

Moreover, the law of nature orders the male to spread his seed, his genes, wherever possible. But accepting other people's children is contrary to the very nature of a man. I will not be afraid of criticism and will give an example from life wildlife: lions first of all kill the children of their female from a previous “marriage”.

Other people's children themselves are a clear reminder of a woman's past belonging to another man.

We want to ask those women who blame men for not wanting to marry a divorcee with a child: are you ready to raise a man’s children from previous marriages?

Reason two

Marrying a woman with a child is simply unnatural. In the normal order of things, a woman enters a man's house and a new family is formed with a man at the head. In the case of a divorce with children, the man enters an already existing (inferior) family, where the head is a woman. Thus, from the very beginning, the traditional, natural family hierarchy, headed by a man, husband, father of the family, is violated. This circumstance in itself calls into question the strength of such a family. It is unlikely that a building based on a “crooked foundation” will be durable.

The mere joining of a man to an already existing family deals a blow to his pride and, to a large extent, determines the nature of the relationship between spouses: the woman is in a state of stable dominance.

Know: for a divorcee with a child, you will always be in third place: she, the child, you. Only in this order. And that's the best case scenario. For very often the role of a surrogate male head of the family is performed by the woman’s mother. She is the unconditional ally of a woman in a previous divorce, and, often, her instigator.

“It’s not even a matter of “hierarchy” as subordination, but rather the priorities of the divorce department. She almost completely transfers her “failed” love for her husband onto her child, especially if it is a son (their words are “I have the most beloved and faithful man, and everyone else is kazly”). A mother who helps also becomes a stronghold of reliability. Well, a woman always remembers about herself, her beloved. In such a way that new man was able to push them all off their “pedestals”, a divorcee must either fall VERY deeply in love (which is unlikely, since mental energy will still be spent primarily on the child), or really RETHINK her own system of priorities in order to understand what is normal( !) a man will not be content with at least 4th place in her life.”
BoMG

Reason three

Very often, a woman with a child, seeking to get married again, is looking, first of all, for a provider of material resources who will help her get her child(ren) back on their feet. In relation to this task, the personality of the man himself takes a back seat. This is a completely understandable motivation for a woman, but, of course, a male candidate for husband will not be initiated into its essence. From a woman’s point of view, everything is logical and fair, as it should be: “a man must provide for a woman and children.” The only question is why a man needs this.

Reason four

The fact is that the very fact of a woman’s divorce is a huge disadvantage for her. Let me explain: even if we accept that her “goat ex-husband” is to blame for everything in the world (a very common characteristic of a former spouse presented to a potential new chosen one - by the way, a good indicator, be careful!), then the woman is at least to blame for that that she chose such a husband for herself and such a father for her children.

“Any woman by nature has a mechanism for choosing a strong, intelligent and high-quality male, therefore, when choosing a partner, women are guided by marriage with a real man (nature has never set such a task for a man). Therefore, it is the woman who bears the responsibility for the wrong choice of her husband and divorce.”
Smart ass

In practice, both spouses are to blame for the destruction of the relationship. However, to a greater extent the responsibility for psychological climate the woman in the family bears it. Think about what's behind her divorce. Inability to build or maintain relationships? Bad character? Extreme selfishness? Excessive demands on a man? Irresponsibility? Treason? The low value of family as such in her eyes? Don't know. In any case, some of the above is present to one degree or another, and more often - everything mentioned in varying proportions and relationships. Let's remember the statistics: 75-80% of divorces occur on the initiative of women.

“The fact that divorcees for the most part are worthless wives, on whom life itself has already marked them as III grade, is not a stamp, but the realities of life.”
Smart ass

Most women do not have a critical mind, and it is unlikely that a divorcee would draw the right conclusions from her divorce. Women often like to repeat that “all people are different, she just might have been unlucky with her husband.” As a rule, they themselves sincerely believe in such “bad luck.” It is very difficult for a woman to admit her own guilt in divorce, as in everything else. Almost impossible.

“Unfortunately, women often go the wrong way, and society strongly encourages them in this. In the media, the situation when a man and a woman get divorced much more often is interpreted in the sense that you are so melting, but the man did not appreciate it, etc. and so on. Films, books, talk shows (this is a completely separate conversation), advice from friends (stupid and, as a result, equally unsettled), songs... Everywhere it’s the same thing - “Get divorced? You're right!" There is not even a hint of analysis of the situation and attempts to draw the right conclusions from it.”
Smart ass

Reason five

I'll start right away with a quote:

“A divorced woman who has a child (this is exactly what we mean by the word divorcee) is no longer as naive and pure as a girl who has no negative life experience (it’s not a matter of virginity).
Of course, life experience will not hurt anyone, BUT ONLY IF THE CORRECT CONCLUSIONS ARE MADE FROM IT. Otherwise, the experience is not only not useful, BUT ALSO HARMFUL, since it leads to excessive suspicion, callousness, a mercantile attitude towards men and other nuances of character that will not help, but will harm the divorcee in life.”
Smart ass

In other words, a divorcee is far from a “blank sheet of paper.”

They are armed with a ready-made and tested set of manipulative templates, a whole arsenal of behavioral patterns of a defensive-offensive nature, prejudice and suspicion. Of course, this applies to far from intelligent women, but what can you do if they are the overwhelming majority.

“The breakdown of the marriage itself indicates the presence of pathologies in her psyche, congenital or acquired (for every taste - from bitchiness to the search for a prince and hidden hatred of men). On average, a divorced woman has more cockroaches in her head compared to an unmarried woman. Are they crushed? Most likely not.”
Ioann Vasilievich

Reason six

And the last one. In any undertaking, probable prospects should be taken into account. In the case of marrying a divorced woman with a child, there can be a lot of pitfalls. Well, here are a few at a glance:

The relationship with the child (children) will not work out, the child’s possible jealousy or his reluctance to see someone else in his father’s place;

Pedagogical “triangle”: you can’t let everything go and forgive the child, but you also can’t go too far and thus run into the displeasure of the mother, who suspects you of being biased towards someone else’s child;

There are quite a lot of cases when a woman considers her maternal program to have already been completed and the man’s desire to have children together is ignored;

Having the biological father of the child(ren) somewhere near your family is unlikely to enrich your family life positive aspects;

All attempts to talk about the shortcomings of divorced women as potential brides are most often perceived with hostility by the women themselves and infuriate them. The counterarguments, if they can be considered such, look something like this:

“But my friend/sister/acquaintance/I myself got married with a child (children), they live happily, he loves the child (children) very much” and all that. So “the main thing is love; it’s very easy for a divorcee with a child to get married.” This is where you are very mistaken. Or rather, you are deceiving yourself: the fact is that the main property of exceptions is that they are striking, attract attention and remain in memory for a long time. Yes, there are such examples, and you excitedly name them. You forget one thing: you didn’t count those who DIDN’T MARRY divorced women with children, and I assure you there are hundreds of times more of them.

Women in general very often pass off what they WANT as reality; the truth of a statement in a woman’s eyes often directly depends on whether she likes it or not. Divorced women and women who are considering divorce in the future really like the idea that a divorcee with children has the SAME CHANCES of getting married, they are psychologically more comfortable to think that this is so, but alas, this strong desire does not make this “equality of chances” true.

A “real man” (with a breath and an impressive accentuating pause!) will love the children of the woman he loves, only such a “real” one is capable of such love, care, tenderness, dedication, etc. (drool to taste). Weak people, “muschmen” are not capable of such love, of real feeling.”

To this you should answer: “Dear ladies, don’t try to speculate on this hackneyed pseudo-concept.” a real man“, because in your eyes, the “realness” of a man lies in satisfying your own “wants”, in accordance with your attitudes and, often, in subordinating to you and being controlled by you. Therefore, I am sincerely glad that I am not so “real” in your eyes, I am sure that I will never be like that, just like millions of other men. Don’t waste time, energy and words on juicy epithets and “guesses” about ourselves, our sexual orientation, the severity of childhood, resentment towards women, etc. It’s better to devote these minutes to your children.”