Constantly non-reciprocal love. "There is no such thing as unreciprocated love"

You shouldn’t ask your Guardian Angel for help! Here's how to do it right
Thanks for these wonderful tips! I had such great discoveries while reading!
Filled with the light of the Creator and set exciting question To my Angels, thank you! We advise you to ask your Guardian Angel for help!
No one forbids you to ask, even every day, like from your dearest and closest person. It is impossible to limit us in our spiritual world. The main thing is to believe and trust your Guardian Angel! : "Help me please!
Help me, Merciful and Most Blessed Angela, to do this work that I don’t want to do; help - to convey an unbearable burden; help: don’t think! not to tell! not to do! - not necessary...” And so - in all cases of life.
Never consider yourself lonely, otherwise your Angel will get angry and make you exactly the way you feel... In all your life closer than a friend No! You chew that your loved ones are confused and have lost their way, pray to their Guardian Angels that...

When the realization comes to you, your circle of friends will decrease
10 things that will change in your life when awareness comes.
When the realization comes to you...
1.Your circle of friends will decrease. You will begin to notice that your usual conversations with friends and acquaintances somehow don’t go well. Everything seems to be as it was, but for some reason it’s less interesting. Because you will no longer be able to maintain conversations about how everything is bad and everyone around you is bad, work is not inspiring and business is not going well, the husband is disgusted and the wife is to blame for everything. You will stop playing games because it takes at least two to play by the rules. And that is why you will become a very inconvenient person for your friends, who ruins the whole game and shows with all your appearance that the king is naked.
2. It will become difficult for you to work at a job you don’t like and do something that makes no sense. Thus, either you choose to be involved in your current activity as much as possible, or you change it radically. If you were kept at your old job by necessity, fear, habit...

The names of 3 engineers who went in diving suits under the red-hot Chernobyl reactor and saved the whole of Europe
These three people saved millions of people on the planet.
The names of three engineers who went in diving suits under the red-hot nuclear reactor of Chernobyl and saved the whole of Europe:
Alexey Ananenko Valery Bespalov Boris Baranov.

These three people saved millions of people on the planet.
Chernobyl could have turned into an even worse disaster if not for the sacrifice of these heroes, whom most of us have never heard of. Only five days after the explosion, on May 1, 1986, Soviet authorities at Chernobyl made a terrible discovery: the core of the exploded reactor was still melting. The core contained 185 tons of nuclear fuel, and the nuclear reaction continued at a terrifying rate.
Beneath these 185 tons of molten nuclear material was a reservoir containing five million gallons of water. Water was used at the power plant as a coolant, and the only thing that separated the core of the melting reactor...

Every person strives to love and be loved, but sometimes these two desires do not coincide. Unrequited love becomes a source of strong experiences and... However, even such a situation carries with it the opportunity for internal growth and self-improvement.

What is unrequited love?

Poets and writers, artists and directors talk about love as a kind of sacrament that is impossible to fully understand. A strong feeling of falling in love can come at a completely unexpected moment and subjugate all thoughts and desires. At some point, the lover begins to realize that another person has become the center of his universe, with his own inner world and desires. Captivated by thoughts about another, a lover tries to be closer to the object of his passion, see him, hear him, spend time with him, make his life better.

A lover always strives to evoke reciprocal love in the object of his passion. Only at first it may seem that reciprocity is not so important: just to be close to your loved one. But over time, unrequited love becomes a burden for a person, depletes his strength, and occupies all his thoughts. Therefore, the emotional intensity of unrequited love can be much stronger and last longer than.

Unrequited love in psychology

The famous father of psychoanalysis, Erich Fromm, wrote that true love is always reciprocated. He called on all people to learn to love correctly and called love an art. Understanding the reasons why love is unrequited and does not evoke a response in the heart of another, Fromm talks about human laziness, selfishness and lack of education in this matter. Modern psychologists view love as a set of chemical reactions caused by a number of factors.

In order for a feeling of love to arise, a number of signs that have a certain importance for him must coincide in a person’s head. Such signs can be: appearance, voice timbre and intonation, similarity to one of the parents, manners, smell, situations, etc. That is, for mutual love, the desired picture must coincide between two people. Unrequited love can be defined as a feeling caused by the idea of ​​only one person and the lack of necessary matches for the other.

Why does unrequited love happen?

Unrequited strong love may have different reasons:

• low self-esteem, which prevents a person from showing his best side;
• selfishness, as a result of which the lover focuses on his feelings and is unable to understand the desires and needs of his love object;
• the victim program, which constantly leads a person into situations in which he must suffer and suffer;
• inability to communicate with the opposite sex;
• inability to love another person, understand, hear;
• inability to present yourself and show your best qualities;
• discrepancy between partners’ views on life;
• differences between partners in character, interests, intellectual level.

Unrequited feelings are spoken of with a negative intonation. At the same time, we should not forget what unrequited love teaches. It can tell a person that he needs to change, change some of his views or habits. Long-term unrequited love helps a person become more patient, loving, understanding, and caring.

Unrequited love - signs

When trying to find the answer to the question of how to know that love is unrequited, you should remember that the situation can change. Unrequited love today can become mutual tomorrow. Therefore, you should not be upset and give up on relationships that may become closer in the future. Although psychologists name signs of unrequited love, they always note that every relationship is special and you should not perceive all signs as one hundred percent suitable for a particular case. We are talking about the following signs of unrequited love:

• the partner does not strive to spend as much time together as possible;
• the lover or beloved does not want to introduce the partner to his friends;
• a loved one avoids talking about relationships, does not want to determine the status of the relationship;
• the partner does not seek physical contact;
• a loved one does not show affection and tenderness;
• There is always a certain lack of agreement in relationships.

Can unrequited love become reciprocated?

Unrequited love is very painful and often raises the question of how to survive unrequited love. Seeing a loved one next to you and not being able to create a full-fledged relationship with him is difficult and painful. Even in this hopeless situation, there is a ray of hope: an unrequited feeling can evoke a response in the heart of a loved one. Practical experience shows that many married couples have developed from relationships in which at first only one person was in love. Whether love can bear fruit depends not only on the circumstances, but also on the efforts, wisdom and strength of love of the lover.

Unrequited love - what to do?

Unrequited love for a man or woman is a reason to look inside yourself and try to understand why love does not have a response. The following tips can help achieve reciprocity:

• you need to learn to listen to your partner and understand him;
• talk more often about what interests your partner;
• find common activities or hobbies;
• try to join the company of your loved one;
• find out what character qualities appeal to your loved one and develop them in yourself.

Many people who have experienced unrequited love say that although they suffered from these feelings, they were happy with their love. If it becomes difficult to be in such a state, you can use the following advice from psychologists on how to survive unrequited love:

• try to be in society more often;
• You shouldn’t often think about how to deal with unrequited love; it’s better to distract yourself from all thoughts about this with the help of communication and interesting hobbies;
• look at your love as an opportunity to receive pleasant emotions;
• understand that after time a person begins to look at his past differently and can be glad that reciprocity with that particular person did not arise;
• remember that time dulls all pain.

Unrequited love - consequences

Strong unrequited love often leaves memories that last a lifetime. What this memory will be like depends on how the person’s fate will develop in the future. A happy family, a loved one will allow you to remember unrequited love in the past with a tinge of light sadness. Unsuccessful relationships in the present will make you think of past non-reciprocal love as a lost chance. The consequences of non-reciprocal love will depend only on the person himself, who must draw conclusions from the situation and create the right attitude towards it.

What does the church say about unrequited love?

According to Christian tradition, all love is from God. From this point of view, pure unrequited love is a chance for a person to show his best qualities for the sake of another person. Biblical love is agape love, altruistic, not demanding anything in return. God loves man with such love. Unrequited love teaches a person humility, patience and service for the benefit of other people.

Books about unrequited love

Non-reciprocal love is comprehensively described in many works of fiction. Books about unrequited love help you better understand yourself and the current situation. The top best books on this topic include:

1. Margaret Mitchell "Gone with the Wind". The main character struggles all her life with her unrequited love and only at the end of her life does she realize that she has actually been in love with another person for a long time.
2. Francis Fitzgerald "The Great Gatsby". The book is based on a plot about the unrequited love of a rich man, who all his life dreams only of seeing his beloved at least sometimes.
3. Stefan Zweig "Letter from a Stranger". Lifelong love - this is the plot of this work. The unsuspecting man will only find out many years later how dearly he was loved all this time.

Valeria Protasova

Reading time: 7 minutes

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Unrequited love is a dangerous feeling. It can drive a weak-spirited person into a corner and lead to suicide. Depression, constant thoughts about the object of adoration, the desire to call, write, meet, although you know for sure that this is not mutual at all - this is what causes unrequited love.

Drive away negative thoughts away, and listen to the advice of psychologists if you suffer from unrequited love .

How to get rid of unrequited love in 12 steps - instructions for finding happiness

• Get rid of internal conflict with yourself : Realize that there can be no future with your crush, you will never be able to be close.
  
  
  Understand that your feeling is not mutual and mentally let go of your loved one.
• Plunge into study, work . Come up with a new hobby: dancing, cycling, yoga, English, French or Chinese courses. Try to make sure that you simply have no time left for sad thoughts.
• Try changing your social circle. If possible, meet less often with friends who, even by their presence, remind you of your loved one.
• Change your image. Get a new haircut, buy a few new fashion items.
• Help solve problems for your loved ones and friends. You can sign up as a volunteer for a charity or help workers at an animal shelter.
• Do not accumulate negative emotions and thoughts in yourself, let them come out. The best remedy from the negative – it’s a sport.
  
  
  Visit the gym and throw off all the burden of your pessimistic thoughts on exercise machines and punching bags.
• Get your inner world in order. A broken heart needs to be healed by reading educational literature about self-knowledge and self-improvement. It will help to look at the world in a new way, will force you to rethink your life values ​​and set your priorities correctly. Read also:
• Mentally put an end to the past and start making plans for the future. Set new goals for yourself and strive to achieve them.
• Increase your self-esteem. There are many affirmations and meditations on this topic. Don't focus on one single person who didn't appreciate you. Don't forget that you are a person created by God for joy and love. You have many positive qualities that you are without special effort define it in yourself, and everyone will have shortcomings. Work on yourself, get rid of bad habits, improve yourself.
• You probably remember the proverb “they knock out a wedge with a wedge”? Don't sit at home! Visit exhibitions, cinemas, theaters.
  
  
  Who knows, maybe your destiny is already very close and perhaps soon you will meet true mutual love, which will bring not suffering, but the sea happy days. Read also:
• If you feel like you can’t cope on your own, then it is better to consult with specialists . Contact a psychologist who can individually help you solve this problem.
• Value yourself and know that your mutual love and destiny will definitely find you soon!

Advice from psychologists on how to survive unrequited love and never return to it again

Unrequited love is familiar to many. Here are the types of requests and questions specialists receive, and what do psychologists advise? :

Marina: Hello, I'm 13 years old. For two years now I have liked a guy from my school, who is now 15 years old. I see him at school every day, but I don’t dare approach him. What to do? I suffer from unrequited love.

In this situation psychologists advise find this person in in social networks and chat with him. From this virtual dialogue it will be possible to understand what actions can be taken in real life.

Vladimir: Help! I think I'm starting to go crazy! I love a girl who simply doesn't pay any attention to me. I have nightmares at night, I’ve lost my appetite, and I’ve completely given up on studying. How to deal with unrequited love?

Psychologists recommend doing the following: Imagine looking at the current situation from the future, with a time interval of two years. After such a time, this problem will not matter in the slightest.

You can travel in your fantasies into the future, several years, months ahead, and into the past. Tell yourself that this time was not very successful, but next time you will definitely be lucky. By moving mentally through time, you can discover and develop a productive attitude towards the situation.

Even these negative situations will bring positivity to the future: by experiencing not very good events now, you will be able to better assess the components of your future life and gain experience.

Svetlana: I am in the 10th grade and unrequitedly love a 17-year-old guy from the 11th grade of our school. We saw him in general company times four. Then he started dating a girl from his class, and I continued to wait, hope and believe that he would soon be mine. But he recently broke up with ex-girlfriend and began to show signs of attention to me. I should be happy, but for some reason my soul felt even heavier than before. And if he asks me to date, I will most likely refuse - I’m not going to be an alternate airfield. But I also really want to be with this guy. What to do, how to forget unrequited love? I do my homework, go to bed, think about him and torment myself. Please give me some advice!

Psychologist's advice: Svetlana, if the guy you like couldn’t take a step towards meeting you, then take the initiative into your own hands. Perhaps he is shy, or thinks he is not your type.

Try to be the first to start a dialogue. Find him on social networks and write to him first. This way you can establish initial contact and find common ground in interests and other topics.

Take action. Otherwise, you will continue to experience unrequited love. Who knows - maybe he is in love with you too?

Sofia: How to get rid of unrequited love? I love without reciprocity and understand that there is no prospect, no hope for a future together, but only emotional experiences and suffering. They say that you need to thank Life for what gives you the opportunity to love. After all, if you love, it means you live. But why is it very difficult to let go of a person and forget unrequited love?

Psychologist's advice: Unrequited love is a mirage. A person draws an image in his imagination and falls in love with this ideal, and not with reality existing person with its shortcomings and advantages. If love is unrequited, then there is no relationship as such. Love is always two people, and if one of them does not want to take part in the relationship, then it is not a love relationship.

When Victor Ediger answers questions during group analytical conversations, you immediately pay attention to his ability to quickly diagnose a person’s underlying problem. Sometimes it is clear on the basis of what words of the interlocutor the psychologist made this or that conclusion. Sometimes it’s a mystery, but the conclusion later turns out to be correct. One day, seeing that I couldn’t follow his logical chain, Victor remarked: “Analysis cannot be based only on logic; intuition comes into play here”. This combination of analytical and intuition helping each other is probably a sign of any good psychologist. Victor just has them in some happy proportions.

However, this brilliance would not have, in my opinion, of particular value if behind it there was not another quality of the psychologist, which is felt most of all not at the diagnostic stage, but at the stage when Ediger gives a task to the person who turned to him. This quality is respect. Respect, the degree and level of which is not immediately revealed. For Victor, his interlocutor is not a creature distorted by a problem that needs to be cleared of like a scab, but a unique creature, very necessary for something in this world. The problem, when viewed in this way, turns out to be useful for the development of a person, precious for unlocking his potential. Victor suggests how to handle this gift so as not to walk around with it, unopened and aggravating, in a vicious circle. And he often gives a difficult, but always feasible task.

In order to be able to take such a meta-position, to contemplate the outlines of a person’s spiritual path, the psychoanalyst must periodically feel in himself at least a piece of the deity, who, as is known, knows all paths. I think the divine is in everyone, but not everyone is able to turn to this part of their personality at the right time. Victor is one of those people who can do this.

— You once said that there is no such thing as non-reciprocal love. Why? After all, everyone from life experience can give an example of an unrequited feeling. What did you mean?

“I researched this issue deeply at one time. Interest in a person is always mutual, it’s just that not everyone can afford to reciprocate - for various reasons: some are held back by obligations, some by prejudice, some are afraid to take responsibility for the consequences of the relationship, and some are encapsulated in such a way that that he cannot even admit to himself that he feels the same way. In the latter case, you just have to dig a little deeper - and this feeling is revealed.

Let’s say, a man leaves a woman, confused by some of the attitudes of the society around him (for example, because she has gained weight and does not meet model standards), but in reality it turns out that the relationship is not exhausted, and he needs this woman. After all, it is with her next to him that some important sides of him are revealed. Love is always mutual, it’s just that people’s paths to each other are different, and not always equally clear and open.

- If one person loves another, someone who seems indifferent to him, or is already in some kind of relationship, then you need to admit this feeling?

- Certainly. You can't know what's going on inside someone you like so much. Let him know about your sympathy, and then we’ll see. Give him a choice.

“I once loved an unfree man and did not dare admit it to him, because he adored his wife, and this relationship seemed so sacred to me that my feeling seemed treacherous to me.” I disappeared from this man’s field of vision for a long time, everything burned out in me. And then I found out that a year after the idyllic family life they broke up. And I thought that God knows what this man would do in a year if he knew about what I was experiencing. Moreover, he clearly liked me. Is this an appropriate illustration of what you are talking about?

- Yes, it is quite.

— I remember your discussion about the speculative concept of “loyalty.” You said: “If a person loves a partner and wants to be with him, then what does fidelity have to do with it? And if a person passionately wants someone outside the current relationship, but does not allow himself to take a step “to the left,” then what is beautiful in the fact that people called fidelity? Who would want such a “faithful” partner? My question is about betrayal. What is betrayal in a relationship from your point of view?

— The concept of “betrayal” exists only in interdependent (even if they are still mutually beneficial) relationships of unfree people. Not free to take responsibility and make their own choices. In this case, people call a person's actions that do not meet the expectations of his partner as betrayal.

In mature relationships, a change in behavior, even without warning, is perceived as a subject for dialogue, finding out the reason (if there is a need or interest) and making a decision on further relationships. And in an interdependent relationship between a man and a woman, it is considered a betrayal to end the expected monopoly on access to the partner's genitals.

— How do you understand development in a couple?

— Development, if you look at it, is always individual. A person’s task is to reveal some new possibilities, facets, worlds within himself in order to perceive life in a wider spectrum. He is not yet sufficiently self-sufficient to do this on his own, without the help of other people. Society provokes the revelation of human potential with its pluralism and diversity of forms. Of course, he chooses from the world revealed in himself what is closer to him in terms of psychophysiological and spiritual characteristics and continues his development, accordingly developing these qualities in the relevant areas: culture, science, applied affairs, etc.. And the beloved (I’m talking about couple relationships) most of all contributes to the person revealing and accepting in himself what he could not accept before. The Favorite is a more subtle, individually selected instrument.

Development in a couple is, ideally, acceptance within oneself, or at least finding ways to accept what is not satisfactory in a partner and results in claims against him.

- Now I have the feeling that you are conducting the conversation from too high a position. From the point of view of some Buddha. But I am not a Buddha, and what should I do, say, with the feeling that I have been abandoned, betrayed, or with the feeling that I am betraying someone if I act as I want? I am not so developed and self-sufficient to be outside of this. What should an ordinary person do?

— I answered from two positions: as you put it, Buddha and man, also still dependent. More often I am in the second position, and receive the first in the form of a gift. I am content with such schizophrenia. The main thing in my answer is still “at leastsearchways to accept what is not satisfactory in a partner and results in complaints." Accepting is difficult, this is a special process: the inertia of protest does not allow, love and sympathy help. The main thing is that the process should be at the expense of oneself, and not the partner. Let's say, it is impossible, from my point of view, to say: “What a bigot he is, he’s never in a hurry, how can he learn mobility in life...”, or better: “How can heMeshows his slowness and equanimity... WhatTo medo to understand what positive side can be hidden in these qualities?" Etc. This is what it is individual development, although in pairs.

As for the “imperfect feelings” of an ordinary person... It is important to first understand that thisYoursreaction to the actions of a partner. When understanding comes, or better yet awareness, then in any case you will grow, become mature, and gradually a different attitude towards your reactions to grievances will appear, and the reactions themselves will gradually change.

— From your point of view, is a paired upgrade possible? It is the plot of many “family” films: the relationship between husband and wife seems to have exhausted itself, their lives are emasculated, but some event occurs - and in the end a situation called “I looked at my husband with different eyes.” And then - new happy life the same family composition.

— No, a reboot is also always individual and is experienced individually. And in these couples, after “I looked at my husband with different eyes,” there remains so much hidden, “forgotten” pain, so much that is difficult to talk about, that is, so much that is not accepted, that there is no need to talk about a mature relationship. I have encountered this more than once. It is possible to resume a relationship if the couple separated for at least two years and then reunited. This has happened. But this will not be a renewal of the relationship between the same people - two new people will meet. And many things will be different for them.

- Can you name the criteria that indicate: the relationship needs to be terminated, then there will only be attenuation - degradation?

— It is impossible to end a relationship as long as there is a strong, caring reaction to the partner, even in his physical absence. Degradation or destruction occurs in the absence of work on one’s reactions to the actions of a partner, and energy is directed toward claims or attempts to change the partner. Therefore, I recommend ending external relationships after repeated (3-5) unsuccessful attempts to work on yourself.

— You said that after breaking up, you under no circumstances recommend looking for another partner based on feelings of loss. I understand why: using something else as an analgin is futile. But a person in such states is cunning and tries to convince himself that the pain of loss has passed. What markers can you point out that would indicate that now you can think about your personal life? And I would also like your recommendations on behavior during the loss of a partner (care or death), especially in the first few weeks. What is the most environmentally friendly way to deal with this pain?

— After a separation, when the relationship is truly terminated, a person ceases to have complaints about ex-partner Moreover, she feels sincere gratitude to him. She is not afraid and does not seek to meet him. If you have a lot of complaints, it means that the relationship, despite the absence of a partner, continues.

After the loss of a loved one, you need to consciously devote 10-20 percent of the day to meditation on suffering and despondency, understanding that this is a normal reaction. That is, you need to consciously sit down and suffer, cry, go through old photos, etc. Gradually, the accumulated pain will be washed out of the body (this will take from two weeks to six months), and you will be left with valuable experience for later life.

And pretending that nothing happened means pushing the suffering deeper. In addition, they will still break through, and then you will be stormed without your participation and much more severely.

If a person does not work on feelings after separation, then it is simply not recommended to look for or allow obviously dependent relationships for two years.

- Does this mean not looking for any relationship at all for two years? It turns out they will still be dependent, any kind.

— Various forms of relationships are allowed, but if you find yourself in love, you should protect your partner from yourself.

— To prevent painful “sticking”?

— Yes.

— I wonder what else you personally cannot accept about yourself?

-It’s still not easy for me to accept the rebel within me who argues with society. That's why he, poor fellow, pops up at every step - where he should and shouldn't...

— What small (or big) spiritual discovery have you recently made for yourself, what internally valuable conclusion have you come to?

— Everything has its time.

— IN last years you are interested in photography. What does this hobby mean to you?

— Yes, I take pictures of me too. For me, this is another method of development, such phototherapy is meditation, where I learn to experiment. The formats and patterns of my psyche immediately appear there. In addition, you can track the reactions of others by changing photos on social networks, this helps you change opinions about yourself and accept it all.

— What processes (or trends) occurring in modern society, are you happy? What do you especially welcome?

— I welcome the manifestation and approval of completely different and even opposite concepts in everything: opinions, behavior, creativity, everyday life, relationships, science and pseudo-science, politics... After all, this is what leads to the acceptance of all aspects of life, and only after this acceptance does it become possible to find and realize myself.

Reading time: 3 min

Unrequited love is a form of deep affection and sympathy accompanied by emotional and physical attraction to a person without a reciprocal response at the same level of depth or intensity of feelings experienced. Unrequited love for a girl has contributed to many achievements and feats, since an unrealized feeling requires release and manifestation, stimulates creative activity as a mechanism of sublimation. It is unrequited love that is a particular motive of the works; this is justified by the fact that, under a favorable set of circumstances, a person enjoys his partner and relationships, he does not have time for creativity.

Despite the romanticization of a noble feeling and the elevation of unrequited love to the level of the purest and most sincere, it often causes the development of severe depressive states accompanied by somatic disorders, and also leads to or latent manifestation of the desire for thanatos in the form of life-destroying habits (alcoholism, unreasonably risky actions, challenging behavior, sleep and nutrition).

The reasons for the occurrence of unrequited love are different and can include both manipulation on the part of the object of adoration and maintaining false hope, and a person’s reluctance to see the true picture of the discrepancy between his personality and the chosen one.

Unrequited love is most often a companion adolescence, when hormones play, maximalism goes off scale, the first feeling and it seems that this is the other half and this is for life. At the same time, there is still no clear understanding of oneself, an idea of ​​​​a partner and desires in life together and correspondence with each other (how many lovers of stars and teachers, boys from other cities and girls, objectively from another reality). But whatever the factors that contribute to the development of this feeling, there is a need to resolve negative emotions and work through those issues associated with impossible relationships that cause suffering.

Unrequited love - what to do?

The feeling of falling in love inspires and gives a new world, a more subtle feeling and the ability to notice details. With mutual attraction, such specific changes give more more joy, state, getting energy literally out of thin air. But the situation is reversed when it turns out that the feelings of emotional attraction are not mutual. Then the emerging sensitivity makes a person more vulnerable, aspirations for realization run into a wall of uselessness, suffering and the whole world takes on gloomy tones. And this is a normal reaction to dashed hopes, unfulfilled expectations.

But before you fall into a pessimistic mood, claiming that you have unrequited love for a guy, based on the fact that you have already winked three times and he has not come to you with a ring, turn on the rationality of whether your feelings are really unrequited. Naturally, if he shows every possible attention to the other, hugs tenderly in front of everyone, then you are right. Men usually hide their feelings, so there are situations when, after the first step taken by a girl, it turns out that he has been liking her for a long time. If you don’t have the courage to make a direct confession, then find out his attitude towards you and other girls with the help of friends or a leading conversation with the guy himself. It is better to first make sure that your romance is hopeless than to put an end to the possibility of reciprocity in advance. The same applies to guys, because girls are all waiting for the first step from a man and may not show that she likes you, or not even think about your role as a companion, because you have not given any reason for such reasoning. If you were told about non-reciprocity directly and transparently, then you can safely begin choosing variations on the theme “what to do about non-reciprocity.”

Unrequited love for a girl can turn on the excitement in guys and with a sense of energy and unwillingness to give up, you can achieve her, despite the initial refusal. Relate your behavior to your principles and your capabilities, think about whether you will regret it (for example, by achieving married woman, will you be able to trust after she leaves the family for you).

Unrequited love for a guy can also turn on a girl's hunting spirit, but there should be a difference in achieving the goal. A girl who decides to pursue a guy should do it unobtrusively, gently, in a feminine way, giving the guy opportunities for initiative and manifestation of his strength, because with obvious persistence the effect will be the opposite and instead of achieving sympathy you will get someone who avoids and breaks off all contacts with you person.

If you do not yet agree to fully accept the futility of a future together, then you can choose to wait. But not the waiting where you sit by the window with a sad look, but where you continue to be friends, communicate with the object of your feelings, while not moving forward, but even developing your life. You need to wait actively, agreeing to all events, even if it is not your beloved who is calling, participating in all kinds of events and trips, taking care of your own appearance and image. Your task is to fill your life with the maximum amount of happiness, which does not in any way depend on the presence of the necessary person nearby. There are usually two ways of development from this behavior, and both are positive - either something inside your beloved will switch and he will look at you and fall in love, or you will be so carried away new life(and new people) that you simply have no time for mental anguish over failed love (when you have a scientific work defense, river rafting, three parties and participation in the presentation of a new exhibition, and a new friend dedicated a song to you and invited you to dacha, it becomes quite difficult to suffer for an indifferent person).

Crisis situations of rejection are a very high-quality impetus on the path and. Look at your life - if everything revolves around the object of passion, if life without him is unthinkable and you are ready to do anything if only they promise you that you will be together, then this is not love. Dependence, the desire to receive the unattainable, the desire to prove, a way to get away from the real problems of your life, in a word, anything but love. Turn to what makes you stay in the story and start exploring your world. Literature about your place in life will help, as well as about relationships with people, trainings aimed at understanding your needs, values ​​and ability to interact, communication with close friends who know you well, people who have been in a situation similar to yours.

Unrequited love, what to do? You shouldn’t close yourself off from the world; if someone gets to know you, then don’t interfere with it. No one is forcing you to find a replacement or date at least someone, but new people will help you endure negative emotions, expand your views, give you support and a much-needed feeling of significance and need after rejection. Isolating yourself and sitting and looking at photographs of unrequited love is a direct path to a dead end.

How to get rid of unrequited love?

The feeling of unrequited love is quite difficult, so people look for ways to forget unrequited love. The trap of wanting to forget quickly is that the more you try to forcefully get out of your head, the stronger it sits there and reminds you of itself more often. By trying to isolate yourself and forcefully throw out the feeling, you doom yourself to the fact that the entire surrounding space will remind you of what you experienced. On TV, all the films will be about your story, people in transport will be wearing the same shirt, and friends will invite you exclusively to places associated with the object of love.

It is possible to free yourself from the power of unrequited feelings, and the first step is to acknowledge and accept them. You can realize this alone, write it down on paper, or share it with trusted people, but the first step is to acknowledge the existence of such feelings. The next step will be to accept those facts because of which this relationship did not work out (if you objectively do not find understanding, then be glad that nothing worked out, and if the reason is your real shortcomings, then think about eradicating it).

Feelings have the ability to pass and no pain lasts forever unless it is artificially prolonged. To quickly get rid of unrequited attachment, it makes sense to move away from the object, because many attachments are strong due to large quantity time spent together. There is no need to shy away from a person and walk around him without saying hello on principle, which would go beyond the limits of adequacy. Your task is to minimize contacts; if you work together, then choose another company for snacks and smoke breaks, but communicate on business issues, and if you are neighbors, then stop running to this apartment for a screwdriver or salt, buy your own. Stop engaging in masochism that tears apart an emotional wound when you monitor your lover’s page on social networks, tracking all the changes and likes, and switch to your life. Moving away will inevitably lead to a change in your social structure and circle of friends, because space and time will be freed up. You can fill in the gaps with your own activities for which you previously did not have enough time or with new acquaintances that satisfy your interests and needs at the moment.

Keep yourself busy to avoid the temptation to construct in your head various options for your impossible future together. Finish the project, clean the apartment, rearrange, alter old dresses, take care of your development, your appearance, sign up for courses.

No one knows how to forget unrequited love in one day; this process will require time and patience. Sometimes the feelings will come back with new strength, memories will fly like a hurricane into an already settled life, and such relapses are considered the norm. Each time, the periods of calm will become longer, and the number of tears will decrease, and the time will come when you remember about your failed love only after someone’s question and nothing will tremble inside, yes it was, but it is past. Most likely, over time, you will be able to adequately and without embellishment examine the person and understand that he is not suitable for you. Falling in love, which blurs the eyes and intensifies in the absence of reciprocity, usually embellishes a person, fills him with the desired qualities and does not correlate well with reality.

Do not arrange provocations for yourself in the form of meetings in order to check whether feelings have passed or something remains. Treat this condition like any addiction (after all, in essence, a painful infatuation with a person who is indifferent to you is emotional addiction). Trying to communicate, being alone, calling each other at night is at the same level of risk as inviting a coded alcoholic to a bar. Of course, there is a chance that he will drink only milk, but why conduct such experiments?

Give vent to your feelings – pain, sadness, frustration. The faster these emotions burn out, the faster you will free yourself from difficult experiences. Beware of the rapid emergence of new relationships, there is a high probability that you will transfer feelings that are not addressed to him to the new person, or he will simply be a plug for the hole that has formed in your chest. Spend time with people, flirt, establish easy relationships, but start building something serious when the pain inside has subsided, when rapprochement occurs gradually and with someone you notice and who accepts you.

If you don’t cope well on your own, then psychologists can tell you how to survive unrequited love. It’s better, of course, to choose personal therapy, then you won’t have to experiment on your own soul with all the advice from articles and forums, but textual options for elaboration may well be suitable as an option for ideas that can prompt reflection and search for a way out.

The chances of experiencing unrequited love decrease with experience. Going through the stages of initiation and disappointment with youthful unrequited love, a person learns to hear and understand his own desires, to find ways to realize them when he knows what he wants. Who you are and who is opposite you, it becomes clear what is possible between such people right away, and what can be achieved (the methods of achievement also become clear). Therefore, the question of how to survive unrequited love is rarely heard in adulthood, but there are exceptions. Typically, such cases are associated with previous traumatization and an unconscious unwillingness to build viable relationships, i.e. a person, as it were, intentionally, but subconsciously chooses someone with whom reciprocity is impossible. This behavior is driven by trauma (abandonment, betrayal, loneliness, violence - cases are individual) and a person is unlikely to be able to get out of such a situation on his own. And there are people who carry irresponsibility through the years, not paying attention to real options to be happy while remaining true to that one unattainable image.

Each problem has factors that contribute to its development and secondary psychological benefits. Among the factors that provide a tendency towards unrequited feelings, one can highlight a person’s inability to move from one stage of a relationship to another, which is the reason for getting stuck, and then rolling back instead of developing. Accompanying irresponsibility, uncertainty, low self-esteem and fear real world, its unpredictability and variability. Children who do not see examples of trusting long-term and loving relationships in their parents' family subconsciously repeat the model learned from childhood and choose, out of all people, the one who is not able to give them a full-fledged relationship. And just like adolescents, people with an infantile personality organization, a lack of understanding of their own inner life, and an orientation towards society have difficulties in choosing an object of attachment, or rather, a failure in the guidelines for establishing quality relationships occurs.

From such a suffering situation, a person can receive indirect psychological benefit, which justifies the suffering. For example, with non-reciprocal love, a partner can be completely idealized and there is no need to interact with the real one (the one who wears dirty socks, sniffles and places accents incorrectly). Loving an ideal, even if distant and fantasized, is much easier than real person located in close proximity. And this way you can not notice your own shortcomings, which usually gain volume when interacting with people. Unrequited love also gives the illusion of fullness and an emotionally rich life, although in reality everything happens only in the head of the lover.

Changing the perspective of perception from the feeling of torment and the end of life to finding a resource in what is happening will help you survive such a feeling. In addition to the fact that love makes you change for the better, non-reciprocal love also directs a person to deeper self-knowledge and better changes. This is a chance to open up to the world, to receive new strength overcoming difficulties. Try to live full life and having more contact with reality, without renouncing or denying the presence of feelings for a person, significantly expands your capabilities as an individual.

Advice from psychologists on how to survive unrequited love aims to take care of your life. Love gives strength, even unhappy love motivates people to be creative. You can start by doing an audit and throwing out everything unnecessary and unpleasant (from paper wrappers in your bag to outdated interests). Start putting in order the areas of your life that are not related to love. You can start from the physical level and arrange your home, change your image - make external manifestations in tune with your inner world. You can start with your leisure time by signing up for courses that interest you and viewing the program of events. Look for something that will light you up and delight you, avoid grabbing the first thing you come across.

How to forget unrequited love? You will need to take care of your emotional sphere. If you already feel that not everything is so simple in the reasons for your dependence on an indifferent person, then you can contact a specialist. And if it’s just a matter of damaged self-esteem, then arrange rehabilitation measures to restore it. Working on your appearance and communicating with people, visiting new places, possibly charity events (usually there is so much support and gratitude for those who take part) can be done as quickly and easily as possible here.

Provide yourself with a constant influx of new emotions and impressions, positive and unrelated feelings, but avoid alcohol and drugs - a rebound after a temporary improvement can push you into depression. Go in for sports, because with physical activity our body more easily processes negative emotions and produces endorphins, which are responsible for the level of happiness. In general, pay extra attention to taking care of your health. Good dream, fresh air and balanced diet will help your feelings much more than cake and midnight conversations over a bottle of wine.

Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"