There comes a time in every person's life when doubts arise regarding love. Some people claim all their lives that this is all fiction and that there really is no love, but for others it’s a mystery and a desire to understand themselves.

Actually there is Love, but there is love, and you must be well versed in the differences between these two concepts, so as not to make mistakes and ruin your life. Many people say that if you have experienced both of these feelings, then you are a happy person, let's look at this in detail.

What is falling in love?

You met a person opposite sex and lost their heads. Your skin crawls, your legs give way, and you feel embarrassed to even speak. It seems that something has changed in this world, and that you no longer feel like a full-fledged person when the object of your adoration is not nearby. You constantly want to be with him or her, it seems that everything inside you is turning upside down, and even your attitude towards yourself is changing. You strive to please the person who made you feel this way with all your might.

Are you ready for this? change your habits, join a gym or visit a plastic surgeon. Psychologists say that you can maintain a feeling for a long time, but only if you rarely see each other, know each other little and are far away. Falling in love is like an emotional hurricane that sweeps you away and gives you a feeling of euphoria. It seems to you that life is divided into before and after you met this person. It is important to learn to manage yourself so as not to do anything stupid under the influence of hormones and intense feelings.

What is love?

Of course, it is important to understand that there is also Love, which is significantly different from falling in love. The person for whom we feel this feeling makes you want to care and give your affection. You constantly want to be close, but separation seems like a real test. You can act quite deliberately and logically; feelings do not overshadow your mind. A loving person is ready to be kind not only to his soulmate, but also to others.

Who knew Love, they relate differently to the feelings of other people, they know how to show respect and compassion. Often love is transferred to the world, a person wants to smile at everyone and give an owl great mood. Most often, love is the result of hard work on yourself and on your partner, the desire to change yourself for the sake of someone and learn to live in peace and mutual understanding. In order to maintain love, you need to work long and hard.

What is the difference between love and infatuation?

Modern People They are regularly interested in the terms, definitions and scientific discoveries of psychologists, therefore they know a lot of theories, having a lack of practice. Many people know that love and infatuation are two different feelings, but few can say what their differences are. Love differs from infatuation by the stage of the relationship. It is impossible to immediately begin to love a person without first experiencing love. When you meet a person with whom you like, hormones are first triggered, your brain reacts sharply, everything seems new and unusual to you.

Often love reinforced by the realization that a person is a mystery to you, his body has not yet been explored, and his thoughts and actions cannot be predicted. After falling in love, love can come, but often this does not happen. You simply enjoy the person, enjoy sex and communication with him, and then you realize that nothing connects you, and there is no point in being further together. If people are suitable for each other, then after falling in love, love appears, and they understand that they are destined to be together. It is worth understanding that these feelings are very different and should not be confused.

What mistakes do people make when they confuse love with being in love?

If not on time realize that this is not love, but simple falling in love, then you can make mistakes in your actions. For example, getting married or being married to a person when you are simply experiencing an emotional upsurge. Many people, succumbing to the intense feeling of falling in love, run to apply for marriage, but they don’t even think about how temporary it is. It seems to them that they will have such passionate sex every day, and the person will forever remain an interesting unsolved mystery. But after a certain time, love goes away, and whether love will replace it or not is a question. Also, during a period of heightened feelings, many people renounce their friends, spend all their time with their other half and are ready to change their environment, stop communicating with their parents, etc.

"Love" is a very interesting word. We say it quite often. "I like chocolate". "I don't like oatmeal." "I love Sasha". "I Love Mom". "I do not like rain". But if you ask us what “to love” or “love” means, we are unlikely to be able to give a quick and clear answer. And for sure different people will give a variety of answers. Perhaps you have never thought about this topic. “What is there to think? Don’t I really know what love is?”

On the one hand, you are right. Love is common to all of us, love is the natural state of man. On the other hand, the average modern person has gone so far from his natural state that there is little love left in him. But the word “love” has been preserved in the language. So they call it any attachment.

However, this is not only a problem modern man. Misconceptions have always existed. Remember the story of Romeo and Juliet? This story was written in ancient times, but even then the author called the relationship between the characters love. But was there really love in the relationship between Romeo and Juliet?

Alas, art has the ability to convincingly pass off lies as truth. Trusting the beauty of art, we involuntarily trust the thoughts of the author. And the author does not have to be a sage and a know-it-all. For us to remember him centuries later, he must be a brilliant artist, nothing more. How many artists of all times and peoples mislead us, poeticizing their delusions of youth!

The geniuses of ancient times are echoed by modern “pop” of all genres, which will be forgotten faster than dirty puddles dry up in sunny weather. But we trust this foam too. How can you not believe it if everyone sings the same thing?

Let's dispel this romantic fog and talk about love soberly and seriously.

What is love

Love belongs to the sphere of the intangible, to the spiritual area of ​​our life. But the spiritual is only partially cognizable by us. No one can say that they know everything about love. But, nevertheless, many properties of love are known, some patterns of its strengthening and disappearance. And knowledge of these individual qualities of love is of great value for that person who wants to love and be loved.

What love is not

Let us begin by considering those qualities or definitions that are unfairly attributed to love.

"Love is just by-effect sexual desire."

This misconception does not even deserve detailed consideration. Its fallacy is obvious from the fact that there is love between parents and children, love between friends, and people with an undeveloped or extinct sexual sphere are also capable of love. Love can be directed towards objects with which sexual interaction is impossible. We sympathize with those who think this way.

"Love is a feeling."

Certain feelings are just one of the qualities of love. It is more correct to say that love is a state.

When a person is in a state of love, he is in this state entirely, and his whole life changes. He begins to have more love for all people. New talents awaken in him or previously discovered ones flourish. He has more vitality.

If there are only feelings, but not all these changes, this is not love.

"Love is passion." "Love is torture." "Love is pain". "Love is a disease."

This is the most common mistake, so let's look at it in more detail.

The root of this mistake is in our childhood. Unfortunately, almost all of us are unloved children. Very few people can boast that their family of parents was ideal. That mom and dad were each other's first and last. That they were always together and truly loved each other and us children, giving us the necessary fullness of their time and their love.

And if we have received at least a little less, then, without realizing it, we try to compensate for this in a love relationship. That is, to compensate with the love of other people for us the love not received from our parents. If in love a person strives more to give, think and care about the happiness of his loved one, then in passion a person engages in vampirism. In passion, we intensely control how they treat us, whether they give everything to us, whether they let someone else into their hearts. Passion is characterized by jealousy, imaginary sacrifice (or salvation), when we are ready to do a lot for a person, but in exchange we demand his soul, completely depriving him of freedom. Passion is selfishness, and selfishness is the opposite of love.

And who likes being deprived of freedom, being jealous, demanding, drawing all the juice?

Therefore, relationships of passion are always painful. Where there is passion, there is torment, pain, and illness.

The saddest thing is that all the love hopes of a passionate person are doomed from the very beginning. Parental love cannot be repaid with the help of other people. Everything falls through like a leaky vessel. We need to fix the hole first...

Great dislike in childhood leads to strong passion, which psychologists call addiction. The expression of this passion can be not only love addiction, but also drug, alcohol, gaming, etc. These are diseases. And, unfortunately, very common. There are many more dependent people than people who truly love. Therefore, the voice of addicts is louder. Their lies about love are more widespread than the truth of those who know how to love.

Romeo and Juliet also suffered from love addiction. This can be judged by their gloomy ending. Love does not torture and does not kill. Love is a creative state. A lover is happy simply because there is a loved one, that he is alive and well, that there is love. And dependence requires possession. Addiction is painful and often leads a person to thoughts of suicide. However, Shakespeare’s work also says enough about the parents’ dislike of these unfortunate young people. Therefore, the whole picture of the disease is clear - from the origins to the end.

"Everyone can love."

Rain falls on everyone from time to time, but the water is retained only in the whole vessel. It quickly flows out of the leaky one. Therefore, only spiritually holistic, adult people are capable of love. To gain the ability to love, you need to grow up, conquer your addictions and passions.

"There is love at first sight."

There is love at first sight. But the path from infatuation to love is long and difficult. According to psychologists, true love comes on average 15 years after the beginning. family life.

“Sex does not interfere with love, but rather even helps.”

People are constantly looking for excuses for their weaknesses. “The fact that I often eat sweets has nothing to do with the fact that I have an extra 15 kg of weight. I’m just unlucky with my figure.” “The fact that I allowed intimate relationships with men has nothing to do with the fact that I still cannot create a normal family. I’m just unlucky in my personal life.”

In fact, it is connected. The fact that for several thousand years of human history women who lost their virginity were not married was not some taboo taken out of thin air. People knew for sure that family life with such a woman would be different in quality from life with the one they married as a virgin. With her you won’t get that kind of love, you won’t get that kind of family.

There are psychological explanations for this phenomenon. They say that a woman will remember previous men. They say that, having shown weakness before marriage, she can show it in marriage, that is, change.

But there is also something on a spiritual level. Sexual intercourse between a man and a woman is not a purely physiological process. It somehow affects spiritual structures, forming invisible connections between people.

Many women remember that their first man was very important in their lives. If it was a relationship of love, and virginity was lost, then the separation was very difficult for them. If there was no sexual communication, the breakup was much easier to cope with. This means that intimate intimacy formed an invisible but strong connection between them.

It’s great if this strong connection is with the person you want to spend your whole life with - your husband. And if not? With the second man the connection is already weaker, with the third - even weaker. What kind of connection do you have with your husband? 3rd or 10th?

If Bulgakov’s words about sturgeon are true, that they are only of the first grade and no one else, then about love relationships - even more so. And our ancestors agreed only to the first grade. And we, imagining ourselves as gourmets and fine connoisseurs of various benefits and conveniences that civilization gives us, in the most important thing, often eat simply garbage.

Of course, all of the above also applies to men. After all, at the other end of the invisible thread emanating from a woman is a man. Therefore, a man has no less responsibility for maintaining his purity than a woman.

What happens? Husband with past connections intimate relationships involved with several women. These women are still connected to someone else. The wife is also involved with several men. And they are not the last in the chain. It turns out that we don’t have families, but some kind of perverted super-Swedish families. In them we are invisibly united with people, some of whom we might not even shake hands with...

There are no scientific explanations for this phenomenon. But the fact remains a fact, and everyone can see confirmation of it in their lives: with each new intimate relationship we waste something in our soul, and it becomes more and more difficult for us to love. Each new love (accompanied by sex outside of marriage) is of a lower grade compared to the first love. At the same time, passions may increase, but passion will not replace love for us...

The path to love is not through sex, but through friendship. Psychologists say that the reason that people are in a hurry to get closer physiologically is their inability to get closer spiritually. People, especially young people, have not learned to communicate and talk. They know how to get close only in the most primitive way. But, alas, sex without communication, without friendship is not much different from masturbation...

I understand that most people reading this article are no longer virgins. Cheer up! Fortunately, spiritual injuries can be cured—by spiritual means. Although, like physical treatment, such treatment requires time and labor. The integrity of the soul can be restored, invisible connections can be broken.

The path to healing is repentance. It is necessary to stop repeating old mistakes and repent. The amount of labor is proportional to the number of crimes committed against one’s soul. I don’t know if complete healing is possible without such sacraments Orthodox Church like confession and communion. With them it’s definitely possible.

What love really is

“The lover strives to give, not to receive.”

If a passionate, dependent person has nothing but a hole in his spiritual body, and therefore is a consumer, then the lover has within himself a source of warmth and light. And the one who has a source of light within himself cannot help but shine.

Sacrifice loving person, in contrast to the false, selfish sacrifice of the addict, is sincere. The lover does not keep track of what he has given and does not bill his beloved. It is important for him that his loved one is happy in the highest sense of the word. His joy is to please his beloved.

“Love does not limit freedom.”

Being independent, self-sufficient (he does not need anything from his loved one), the lover is free himself and does not seek to limit the freedom of his loved one. His sun is with him in any case, so no matter what the beloved does, his “sun” remains with the lover.

Of course, a lover strives to be with his beloved, but not to such an extent as to violate the freedom of his loved one.

“Love is the pinnacle of virtue.”

Love is the highest of human good qualities. Perfect love includes all virtues. If at least one vice remains in a person, his love can no longer be perfect.

Here is how the Apostle Paul lists the good qualities of love: “Love is patient, kind, love does not envy, love does not boast, is not proud, does not behave in an outrageous manner, does not seek its own, is not easily provoked, does not think evil, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; covers all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails” (1 Cor. 13:4-8).

Why is love incompatible with evil? Because if there is something evil, that evil will manifest itself in our relationships with those we seek to love. Let's say a husband loves his wife. But he is not free from such a vice as envy. And it will happen that his wife will achieve great success in the professional field. And in some social circles she will be given more respect than her husband. Because of his envy, the husband will be indignant at his wife and will harbor a grudge. His love will suffer because it is imperfect.

What if there are several vices? Love is doomed...

Imagine the person described by the Apostle Paul. He is patient, merciful, not envious, not selfish, not mercenary, always calm, does not suspect others of anything bad, does not gloat, hides in silence or kind words mistakes of others, trusts others and relies on them, endures all difficulties. Agree, you can live with such a person. And as a friend, and as a spouse, and as a father or mother. It’s good to be with such a person, his love is reliable. It is impossible to quarrel with him! And it is easy for us to love him - with friendly, marital or filial love.

"Love is a gift from God."

Our understanding of love will be flawed if we limit ourselves to the idea that love is within us, and do not think about where it comes to us from, where it even came from. After all, the data of modern science refutes the possibility of spontaneous generation of a living cell from nothing. They also refute the possibility of the emergence of man through an evolutionary path uncontrolled from outside (the universe does not yet exist for as long as it would take for this to happen, according to probability theory). And even more so, there is no reason to believe that such a miracle as love appeared on its own, as a result of accidents at the micro or macro biological level.

The only theory of the origin of love known to mankind is that love is given to us by God. By His love and infinite creative power we were created by Him. Out of love for us, in order to save us, He sent His Son to us to preach and suffer to heal our sins. Those properties of love that we know, and which we listed above, fully correspond to the properties of God. God loves us selflessly. He doesn't need anything from us except for us to be happy. He doesn't depend on us in any way. He shines for us all, both evil and good, giving us all the blessings of the earth. He is merciful and easily forgives us. He gave us a complete, even terrible, degree of freedom.

And He gives us love for another person. What is love? Perhaps it is looking at another person through God's eyes. God, under the external dirt and tinsel, sees in us an immortal, beautiful soul. He sees not only how badly we live, but also how beautiful we are in individual moments of life and could always be. Mutual love is when God opens two people's eyes to each other. It’s as if he sits us on his lap opposite each other, hugs us and says: “Look, children, this is what you really are!”

It is no coincidence that in mutual love, a person who loves us helps to reveal our talents and good qualities: after all, he sees all the good things that are inherent in us, almost as clearly as God Himself.

And holy people love everyone. This means that, being in God, they see all people through the eyes of God. And that’s why they love us so much that it’s strange even to ourselves how they can love us so much. After all, it would seem that we ourselves know what we are. And for some reason God values ​​the soul of every person more than the entire universe!

“Love is almost always mutual.”

Since love is given by God, who desires our happiness, it is not surprising that true love is almost always reciprocated. In rare cases, non-reciprocal love can be given to a person to solve important creative problems or comprehend some truths.

In most cases of “unrequited love,” we are not dealing with love, but with passions.

Does love depend on us

I highlighted this question because it is the most practical of all questions related to love.

If we accept the truth that love is the pinnacle of virtues, we will have to abandon the myth that love is like good weather, it comes and goes on its own, regardless of our desire. This myth was invented in order to relieve oneself of responsibility for the murder of love. After all, we have the power to recover from vices and acquire virtues. If we don't do this, we kill love. Love cannot withstand our evil. In irritation from our passions, we jump off the lap of God (after all, He gave us complete freedom, He does not hold us by force even to Himself) and we stop seeing each other through His eyes. And after close communication, we now see each other’s shortcomings much more clearly!..

What are we focused on in our lives at the moment when we fall in love? On a career, on pleasure, on making money, on creativity, on some kind of success, on fluttering in the networks of some kind of addiction.

This means that we are almost never worthy of the love we receive for free. After all, everything we are preoccupied with does not lead us to virtues, and therefore does not bring us closer to love.

I am deeply amazed when I think about God’s faith in us, His patience and love, which prompts Him to give us a spark of His love again and again. After all, He knows how we will use this love in most cases.

How should we, in theory, react to this gift of love that “came unexpectedly”? Realizing that love is the most beautiful and valuable thing in our lives, we would immediately have to reconsider the priorities of our activities. When a child is born, much in the parents' lives is pushed aside, giving way to caring for him. It's the same with love. When falling in love comes, it's time to realize that love came when we were completely unprepared for it! Because we have few virtues, which means we don’t know how to love. It's like parents not having enough food for a child. Of course, we will put first place work on ourselves, caring for love. Otherwise this child will die of hunger. Otherwise this love will die.

This is what we should do if we understand anything in this life.

But what do we really do? In most cases, for us, falling in love is just an opportunity to get another pleasure, the pleasure of sex with a person who is especially pleasant to us. Instead of cultivating virtues, the result is an increase in the vice of fornication. This is the same as taking a newborn child by the legs and hitting his head on a stone. What concern is there for his food, what are you talking about!..

How God believes in us, how He endures this and still gives us sparks of love!

Or maybe he doesn’t give it to many, knowing what they will do? Maybe that’s why many people say that there is no love, or that they only know passion, that the sparks of love have never reached them?

Even if you belong to these last ones, all is not lost for you. Let us begin to learn to love now, conquering our vices, and God will give us His spark. And if we intensify our work when love comes, we will preserve it and over time we will learn the depth of true love.

How to work on yourself?

You need to overcome bad habits and do good deeds. Good deeds - only truly good ones - are necessary to bring us closer to love. Because a person usually does good things out of love. And if we, not yet having love in ourselves, already try to do good, love gradually increases in us.

But what if you are already married and are afraid of losing the love you have?

If you are afraid of losing, then you will find the courage to work. Family life is in itself a school of love. She constantly, several times a day, confronts us with the question: “Who will I submit to, my love or my vices?” This question arises when my wife asks (or does not ask) to take out the trash can while we are lying on the sofa. This question arises when the husband came home from work late. This question always arises when our selfishness tries to take over our love. Always tell yourself: “I choose love.” As one famous person admitted in his essay, after many trials of family life, he made it a rule never to allow himself to say, even mentally, about his wife: “I don’t love.” This is a wonderful recipe. It just means that a person always chooses love between passions and love. He made this a rule for himself because he knows that he wants to keep this love for life. This requires effort and patience. But love rewards all efforts with interest!

Overcoming love addiction

I will answer the question of how to overcome the tendency to love addiction using a figurative example.

Let's imagine two countries - Russia and Belarus. There are oil deposits in Russia, but not in Belarus. Therefore, Belarus is dependent on oil supplies from Russia. This is an unpleasant situation for Belarus, which leads to conflicts between the two countries.

How can Belarus get out of this dependence?

No matter what values ​​Belarus offers Russia for oil, the dependence will still remain. And if, instead of Russia, Belarus buys oil from another country, it will again be dependent. Therefore, there is only one way out of dependence - to look for and discover oil deposits on your territory and start extracting it. If Belarus produces a lot of oil, then Belarus will not only cease to be dependent on oil-producing countries, but will itself become a country on which others will depend.

The same is true for people. To stop depending on the warmth and love of people, you need to start generating this warmth, this love in yourself and sharing it with people.

Another example comes from astronomy. There are stars - hot celestial bodies that emit light. And there are black holes - super-dense cosmic bodies, which, due to their monstrous gravity, do not release anything from themselves, not even light, they only attract and absorb. In this example, the dependent person is like a black hole, and the stars are kind, generous people.

This means that a person ceases to be dependent if he begins to shine on other people and warm them with his warmth.

What is oil in the first example and light in the second? The “resource” that all people need so much is love. This is the most scarce and expensive resource in our time. No matter what anyone says about the value of money, fame, power, pleasures, without love all these things are not pleasing. And the one who has love is happy, even if he has nothing else.

Therefore, when we, overcoming our addiction, learn to shine for people, we need to carefully watch that our love is truly unselfish love. And not mercenary trading - I do or give you something material, and in return I expect gratitude or love. This is what dependent women do in marriage, and then they are surprised: “How is it possible, I gave everything to him, lived for him, and he left, ungrateful!” No, you didn't give him everything. You gave him only time and labor. It's wonderful if it's done out of love. And you gave him your time in an unconscious expectation of his love. That is, at the level of love, you were a vampire, tormenting him with expressed and silent expectations. And it is not surprising that he could not be a donor indefinitely (although outwardly he could seem like a lazy person who gave nothing).

Therefore, let us learn real love, real selfless glow. Remember, like Mayakovsky: “Shine always, shine everywhere, until the last days of the bottom, shine and no nails! This is the slogan of me and the sun!”

The question may arise: where can Belarus get oil if it simply does not exist on Belarusian soil?

This is where love differs from oil. If there is oil, it is there until you use it up. And love appears precisely when you give it. And the more you spend, the more there is in your tanks. By striving for true love, doing genuine good deeds, you will see how your heart is filled with love.

Love doesn't come out of nowhere, just like life doesn't come out of nothing. Love has a Source - like an inexhaustible reservoir of oil, like an endless ocean of light, in which there are more stars than molecules in the ocean.

This Source is so rich and so generous that it gives us love without demanding anything for Itself and only rejoicing in the fact that it fills us with love.

The time will come - and if you follow the path of love and want your love to be perfect, you will discover this Source for yourself, then you will see that you have found more than you were looking for...

By overcoming our addiction, we learn to shine ourselves on the unfortunate who need our love. Giving to people is no less pleasant than receiving from them. This is true independence, joy and value in life.

Your feedback Dmitry Gennadievich, I read your article, it was very informative and super cool for me! Please give me an answer to one question. She says that she loves me very much, but she’s used to being alone and will always love the 3rd 10th, well, don’t waste time on me, you need a family, but I can’t give it to you, how can I understand her? Thank you. with UV. Rapper (Joe Fray) Dima (Joe Fray), age: 27 / 03/11/2019 Thank you - for the sun-pierced, bright, unclouded View of the World - for the most sincere Prayer - Prayer own existence!!! olga, age: 49 / 09/09/2018 Thank you) I found the article by accident and was surprised, because my mother said the same words to me. You only confirmed my thoughts and my mother’s advice, for which I express my gratitude. Unfortunately, not a virgin, age: 17 / 21.03.2018 Thank you, you wrote what was somewhere deep inside me Tanyusha, age: 31 / 01/18/2018 Thank you very much, I really liked the article, I agree with everything, it’s interesting what the romantic and intimate side of true love between M. and J. looks like, maybe there’s an article. Katerina, age: 24 / 02.11.2017 Thank you for the article. Lyudmila, age: 37 / 12/19/2016 Very often people try to explain things that they simply cannot explain. Just as you cannot hear radio waves with your ear or see infrared radiation with your eyes, so a carnal person does not understand the spiritual. We must think about the spiritual in a spiritual way, and love is the spiritual gift that we receive about God when we come to Him. God in Christ pours into us and with Him we receive everything that He is, including love, because God is love! Without God, we remain evil, no matter how hard we try to change ourselves! Vladimir, age: 68 / 12/04/2016 Interesting article. One of the most capacious and at the same time broadly answering such a question as “What is love?” Thanks to the author, very cool, a lot of useful information in the article. My only opinion is that you need to give and radiate love correctly, and also serve people. Otherwise, there will be people who, to put it mildly, will begin to abuse your love and vampirize. And the same husband can build a career by receiving energy from his wife. And then leave, finding a fresh source of energy. It is very important to understand what kind of people you surround yourself with. And just like all cosmic bodies, people influence each other. Therefore, you need to consider what influence the people around you have on you. Respect and gratitude from pure heart the most important thing in communication. And most importantly, remain honest with yourself. Love and gratitude to everyone!!! Tatyana, age: 35 / 09/23/2016 Sasha, age: 36 / 06.08.2016 Thank you for an excellent article. As one friend said, “The thinner and higher the matter, the more difficult it is to describe it in words.” Lately I have often been thinking about the essence of love, and this article is very consonant with my thoughts. The idea is expressed precisely and clearly, although the topic is complex and subtle. Once again I come to the conclusion that if I want to be involved in the miracle of love, I must work on my soul, on my vices and passions. Anna, age: 31 / 06/20/2016 This is a good article, but not for the portal of realists, whose strength lies in the truth. Here, as elsewhere, there are philosophical speculations, and without evidence. I am very glad that the author of the article has found a state of love. Here the main emphasis is on the spiritual aspect (of a Christian sense) and the “by contradiction” method about psychological deviations. The main conclusion: love is spiritual work. But this is more like self-sacrifice or compassion, but where the hell is love? Georgy, age: 28 / 06/17/2016 Thank you very much for your conclusions and reflections. They left a deep mark and response in my soul and I understood how to act further on my life’s path. I found answers to many questions that will help me move on with my life. Once again: Thank you very much!! ! Natalia, age: 38 / 05/21/2016 Reading this and similar articles, the already fading desire to do something appears again, we can say that this is some kind of inexplicable “motivator”, even despite the fact that, in principle, in my subconscious I understood everything that was written, when reading it everything again becomes into place, the fire in the soul lights up again, and God grant us THIS time to keep it longer. “Do not cast me away from Your presence and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me!” Oleg, age: 18 / 04/14/2016 Thank you Dmitry, much is now obvious, much is clear, both mistakes and behavior), thank you and may God bless you))))) Alexander, age: 30 / 02/18/2016 “Love does not limit freedom”... I got to this point and was completely exhausted... Excuse me... Well, how can love not limit freedom, huh? That is, live, my love, where you want, with whomever you want, do what you want, eat and drink what you want - and I’m already glad that you are somewhere... This is more like a mental disorder, not for love. If you love a person, you want to be with him, this is obvious! And if they don’t love you back, then they don’t want to live with you - this is also obvious! This is called loneliness - and it’s bad because of it, and not because of some kind of childhood dislike. Why dig so deep? A person lives here and now - if you are loved, you have money, an interesting job - then what does childhood grievances have to do with it?))) And if you got sick, because of this you became impoverished, lost your job, lost your money, because of this you became nervous, became yelling at your wife, your wife was offended and left you, etc., etc. - then again, childhood has nothing to do with it. Kurrant, age: 36 / 08/26/2015 Thank you for this article, God himself showed it to me, because now I want to discover this source of love in myself, the one that does not seek its own - and be happy! Natalya, age: 26 / 01/30/2015 I completely agree with this article, only after 10 years did I begin to understand how much I love my husband, and when he broke his spine and became a wheelchair user, we became even closer, I thank God every day that he remained alive and next to me, little who believes, but I’m happy. We’ve been together for 18 years, he’s been in a wheelchair for 3 years, I thought that over the years it would be more difficult, but strangely enough, on the contrary, it’s easier. Angelica, age: 38 / 01/16/2015 Thank you, Dmitry!!! There is hope!!! Ira, age: 34 / 01/11/2015 “But, alas, sex without communication, without friendship is not much different from masturbation...” In my opinion, masturbation is much better... But, unfortunately, if a person was unable to start a family, he cannot remain a virgin forever.... Zhenya Zh, age: 32 / 05/28/2014 That's it, I'm looking for true love! The world is not nice without her. and there is simply NO meaning to life without her. Avatar, age: 25 / 05/08/2014 Dear Vladimir! Thank you very much for the article. I read it, trying it on for myself, and realized that I was still very far from true love. Keep writing articles like this, they really help young people make up their minds. God's help to you in your work! Maria, age: 20 / 03/23/2014 Vladimir, God is love, this is the essence. True love comes from God, the ability and desire to love too, then how can you talk about love while rejecting the One who gives it? Anna, age: 27 / 02/24/2014 Very good article! The connection between vices/passions and love is simply obvious, but, unfortunately, few people understand it. 7 vices from the point of view of Christianity very well describe the ways of deviating from a life of love and joy. Indeed, the majority says “I love,” meaning “I am attached.” True, I agree with Konstantin, religion was brought here in vain. It doesn't matter at all which God controls it. Maybe there are green men there, or maybe Love is God. The main thing is the essence. Vladimir, age: 31 / 01/16/2014 thank you for the article, in fact, I had everything written before and only after reading it I realized that I had lost it, but I will definitely return it, thank you. Alexey, age: 31 / 12/24/2013 Love comes like mother's milk. The more you feed and give, the more milk is produced. As soon as you stop feeding, it disappears completely. Thanks to the site as a whole and, especially, to D. Semenik and A. Kolmanovsky. Sveta, age: 38 / 08/30/2013 I read and read, it seems like a good article, it postulates the right things, and then bam - and it’s impossible without the church. And I can’t take the article any further. Konstantin, age: 24 / 04/23/2013 Andrey, age: 42 / 02/24/2013 God bless you, Dmitry!! In essence, you have outlined the dogmatic basis of Love in simple and intelligible language!!! Although I slightly disagree with some details, in general, your word is gracious and VERY NECESSARY for people who are confused in life, even not always only because they are evil! It’s just that not everyone knows WHAT priorities must be adhered to FIRMLY, until they bleed... In order to grow to real saving Love... Your position is very close to me!! Once again, huge gratitude to you from one tormented soul..)) ) Ilya, age: 52 / 01/20/2013 I'm afraid I can't find the right words to express my gratitude...Thank you! Thank you! Thank you a thousand times!!! And thank God for pushing me to find and read your article! I read and find answers to many of my questions... This is how I understand love for myself. But for a long time I didn’t understand why she wasn’t in my life.. Now I know: I myself was not capable of such love, I didn’t know how to love.. And I don’t know how. And how much and for a long time do I still need to work on myself so that God will give me the opportunity to feel this happiness... By the way, I have already received one gift from God (although what am I saying, of course not the only one): it was while reading From your article, I realized that I forgave very important people in my life... Something I couldn’t do for a long time, BUT NO WAY! And.. several holes in the vessel of my soul, with God’s help, managed to be patched :) Elena, age: 22 / 07.11.2012 I got it. Let's forget about sex and start loving. Just a joke of course. But this is the conclusion that can be drawn by looking through the article. But God gave us sexuality and sexual needs. So, in my opinion, to reduce the Love of a woman and a man to respect and friendship is not entirely correct. What arises in us when we fall in love? Roman, age: 30 / 07/26/2012 Very good article, I read it. So you write “Love is almost always mutual”; it’s good that you wrote “almost”. I'm in this state now non-reciprocal love. This is when you give everything to your loved one, and you really want to receive some of his warmth. How to love when love is not reciprocal? Just keep giving? Vladimir, age: 32 / 07/14/2012 That’s right. I think the same, and it’s not that I doubted it, but I haven’t met people with such understanding. Now I am happy because I read your article and my confidence has increased a hundredfold. Thank you! How could I now meet a person who also understands this! Grana, age: 36 / 04/12/2012 Thanks a lot Valery, age: 18 / 04/12/2012 (Morgan Scott Peck) Consequences of premarital sex ( Nancy Vanpelt) Love is not a feeling ( Morgan Scott Peck) True love ( Philosopher Ivan Ilyin)

Throughout his existence, a person asks the question “ Does love exist? Or is it an illusion - a mixture of attraction and love that passes over time?

Do you think Adam loved Eve? If so, wouldn't his first instinct be to defend her before God, and not to place all the blame on her?

Remember ours about? There have been many arguments that loving husband he doesn’t want his wife to waste her nerves in a low-paying job and in general he likes it when she creates home comfort and takes care of the children. Outstanding Russian psychologist, psychotherapist M.E. Litvak said the following about this: “Quite often, women of lower development marry rich patriarchal men. And they, as a rule, set conditions: “Why do you need to work? I make money. And you do the housework, prepare borscht and pies, because I don’t want to eat in public catering.” Do you think he loves her or not? No. Because he doesn’t allow her to develop.”. We do not take into account some abstract self-development, because any development must have a specific goal, aspiration and outcome.

And the great German psychoanalyst Erich Fromm defined love as follows: “This is an active interest in the life and development of the object of love”. Therefore, love cannot be unhappy, non-reciprocal and tragic. And it cannot limit another person and force him to adapt to any criteria. The tragedy of relationships, when we suffer from the fact that our personal life does not work out, lies in a simple thing - we actually simply do not know how to love. What we mean by love is an escape from loneliness and an attempt to plug up the inner emptiness. That's why nothing comes of it. One popular male psychologist said that men cheat because they do not feel the love of a woman. We, of course, know how men like to cover up ordinary lust with beautiful and catchy phrases, but perhaps there are a number of such men. For this reason, they find a mistress and for the same reason they do not leave for her - because they do not feel love from their mistress either. They see that both his wife and his mistress need him only for some specific reasons, but not on his own. They do not see him as a person and do not love this person with unconditional, undemanding love. They do not aim to help him in his development, but only use him for themselves. Not necessarily financially.

Erich Fromm believed that modern society confuses 2 fundamental things. People believe that the main problem is to find the right person, the object of love. In fact, the problem is the inability to love. We believe that love is something self-evident, coming as soon as that same person appears. Exactly the opposite - when we know how to love, when we are full of love, then we meet our chosen one. If we love only someone specific and oppose the rest of the world with him, then this is not love, this is selfishness together. And selfishness is destructive - including for love.

The paradox of love is that two become one while remaining two separate and independent individuals. Of course, marriage can exist regardless of these criteria. Many unions are quite successful, based simply on certain agreements - including unspoken ones. But that's exactly what we're discussing. does love exist, and not the form of family structure.

I remember my husband once said to me, “I trust you.” At first I didn’t understand and was even a little offended - I never gave any reason to doubt, so why talk about it again. But it turned out that he meant something completely different. He trusted me to be the person I wanted to be and to do what I wanted to do. Well, as it turned out, he doesn’t trust me 100% with this)) But in fact, quite a lot. I don’t feel like my freedom is being limited in any way - and I don’t abuse it. 3 years ago I was even able to go on vacation without him. We got together, but then serious financial problems arose - nevertheless, my husband decided that at least I should rest. And I flew to Spain for a week with friends.

What happens in many other marriages? It is very difficult to trust your partner to be themselves. Moreover, the partner does not always know how to manage the trust placed in him. Hence the strong tension in the relationship. The woman (usually she) puts a lot of pressure on her husband with her anxiety. Don’t go there, don’t do that, don’t say that, don’t move - your unnecessary movements hurt me. It’s like in the fairy tale about Moomintroll, when his mother decided to do something unusual, and dad strictly besieged her - you’ve never done this, why are you scaring us?! But a person cannot stand still - movement only goes forward.

The question of the existence of love excites the minds of millions. Of course, most people believe that true love exists, because everyone has experienced it. Moreover, it can be seen. It is clearly visible in the eyes of lovers. The fire of passion and desire envelops the hearts of lovers, making them beat faster. So does true love exist, you ask. Everyone must find this answer for themselves.

Is there love at first sight?

Love only happens at first sight. It only takes thirty seconds for a person to fall in love. This fact has been confirmed by scientists. During this time, you can easily have time to evaluate the appearance (figure, height, hair color...) and mentality of a person of the opposite sex. Many may object by saying that they knew their partner for several years and only then fell in love with each other. And this fact has an explanation. Our brain is constantly playing tricks on us. You simply might not be ready for this relationship or involved in others. Only when the consciousness fully processes the information embedded in the subconscious that you like this person, only then is it possible to develop relationships and, of course, fall in love. That is why it can be argued that all love happens at first sight, and manifests itself only when a person is ready for it.

Love

Before a person manages to truly fall in love, he experiences a period of falling in love. This is an attraction that occurs at the hormonal level. Falling in love is accompanied by bright, passionate relationships, strong sexual attraction, increased emotionality and mood swings.

Is there everlasting love?

Love can't last forever. It has been proven that the feelings that lovers show are caused by an increase in the blood hormones dopamine and norepinephrine (norepinephrine). It is believed that love originates in the heart, but this is not so. The primary source emitting these hormones is the brain, or rather its most ancient parts, which have been preserved from our primitive ancestors.

Simultaneously with the increase in dopamine and adrenaline in the blood, the amount of serotonin (the pleasure hormone) decreases. A lack of serotonin leads to decreased mood, which leads to associations that love causes suffering. Excess adrenaline leads to increased inspiration and feelings of flight and ascent. Dopamine is a goal hormone. He forces us to achieve the desired object.

However, the time of love does not last forever. A fact established by scientists says that the state of love lasts from 12 to 17 months. This period is quite enough to achieve reciprocity or receive a refusal. If love were eternal, it would burn happy couples in its flames and people would suffer from exhaustion, and rejected lovers would die from suffering.

In rare cases, falling in love can last up to three years. Most often this manifests itself in people suffering from unrequited love. For happy lovers, nature has provided a mechanism that extinguishes the hot flame of passion, turning it into an even, moderate fire.

Period of stability

When a couple finally gets together, love begins new stage. Lovemaking produces oxytocin and vasopressin in the body - hormones of affection and tenderness. These substances in the body directly affect the production of offspring and the formation of the amazing relationship that binds mother and child.

It is oxytocin and vasopressin that are the antidote to love. They suppress passion hormones and at the same time increase feelings of affection.

The attachment phase lasts exactly as long as it takes to bear and feed the child. This period is four years. After this, many relationships fall apart.

Couples who have been married for many years do not have a hormonal connection. Their feelings are not based on subconscious behavior laid down by our ancient ancestors, but on human relationships. These are completely different feelings. What to call them is up to you. Either friendship or eternal love.

How often do people try to preserve love, look for it all over the world, and devote poems and songs to it. But does it really exist? Why does a person so want to be with someone, why does he think that the presence of another person will make his life better?

Fear of loneliness

People don't know how to be alone. They are too used to having someone nearby. Even in almost everyone’s room, the TV is on in the background or music is playing. The world of modern man has become more social than before. People are afraid to suddenly find themselves alone with their thoughts; they don’t want to think about their lives.

Even if a person is locked alone in a room without technical devices, he will try to occupy himself with something, start doing something, just so as not to. Someone will eat, someone will start singing or dreaming. But it is difficult for a person to be alone for more than an hour. People have forgotten how to be alone with themselves, which is why they are so frantically looking for love, which is why they so persistently believe that living together is much better.

Love is the solution to all problems

How often do people think that meeting a loved one will change their life. Just find him or her and the world will shine bright colors. And indeed, at first this happens, and falling in love makes life magical. But it passes, and along with it thousands of families collapse, thousands of children are left without one of their parents.

How often do girls claim that He will come and protect, protect, support and love. All responsibility for life is transferred to, falls on the one who does not always know how to bear it. And instead of building a joint future, instead of looking for compromises, accusations appear that he cannot cope. Men expect support, understanding, and love from their companion. But in a matter of months She turns from a princess into a “grumpy woman” who accuses and demands.

What is the cause of these problems? Love just became a welcome addition. People think that if they find love, they will get happiness. But it doesn't change life. And if a person has not learned to make himself happy before a relationship, if he has not found a way to find comfort with himself, then meeting another person will only intensify the problems and make them brighter. Only a couple of years will pass, and a loved one will suddenly find himself to blame for all the troubles.

Love as an addition

As soon as I have... And after the ellipsis, you can write hundreds of things: love, a couple, an apartment, success in business, a new position, a car of a certain brand, such and such an amount of income. What will happen then? A new goal will simply appear, one word will be replaced by another. And at the moment when such a desired feeling appears in life, it will become clear that life has not become better. After a year or three, the longing for happiness will suddenly appear again.

But until people find emptiness in themselves, until they understand that nothing external can bring peace, we can say for sure that there is no love. Finding her is just an attempt to fill the emptiness in the heart, but even in the family she will remain if there is no self-love.

First you need to find harmony with yourself. You need to meet and get to know not another person, but the real you. Then you need to learn to live in peace with a new acquaintance, find ways to please yourself in any life circumstances. First, you need to gradually gain understanding of yourself, respect for yourself and your opinion, free yourself from feelings of guilt for any reason, and only then open your hearts to feelings for another. And then, perhaps, love will very quietly knock on the door. Well, everything that happened before was different, it was just an attempt to supplement yourself and your life with at least something.

Are there halves?

A person is not half of a whole, he is not a part, but a full-fledged being. And only understanding this gives freedom and peace. This is clearly visible in the lives of ordinary people: one day a woman enters into a relationship, devotes her life to it, and suddenly realizes that if he leaves, she will have nothing left. At one point, the fear of loneliness appears, the fear of being abandoned.

Men feel this moment very well; it is when fear appears that they understand that now everything depends only on them, that they are now the main creators of the situation. And at this moment the manifestation of disrespect and indifference begins. But how to avoid this, how not to feel the fear of loss? You just need to find yourself in advance, you need to understand that it takes more than two to be happy, that even being alone is quite comfortable, and no troubles can be tolerated if they cause inconvenience.

Is there love? Of course, it exists, but only it is possible between two whole individuals. And not between halves who are looking for support, not a partner.